Sunday, November 30, 2003

*A Poem*


Take me away from here
This bleeding chair
And these stained sheets
Fly me to the moon
I'll drop it like a cannon ball
Rid the universe of this curse called the human race
I'd look up yr number
If you had a name
Guitars made out of shoe-boxes and rubber bands
We'd sing the songs that belong to eternity
And when a child humms them a hundred years from now we'll know we are immortal
And we've known we are immaterial
But what does it mean if I just want to take yr clothes off, smoke chronic and drink gin
Get more fucked-up than I've ever been
Wearing sunglasses and rubbers made for sensitive skin
Got a haircut like a muther fucking shark fin
Stay a little while and I'll tell you where I've been
I broke out of prison with a bobby pin
I ran for every kind of office though I know I can't win
Got beat by the pigs until they broke my shin
Shit!
These eyes have seen things that words could never do justice to
And I guess I'd say I'm beginning to feel the heat
Loosening my tie
Untucking my shirt
I want to tell the world how dead they all are

Friday, November 28, 2003

So insomnia has got me again. This time I'm in an emotional crisis. Well, more details later I guess.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

If anyone has a copy of my cd Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety please contact me immediately. The master was lost when my car was broken into a few months ago and I'd like to have it for my own records and so I can do a hastheboyfallen anthology containing some songs from it.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Click on this and have yr mind blown.
I missed the Dick Cheney protest today and I'll never forgive myself. It's not like I had anything to do. It's just that I slept through it. I slept until 2:30pm today. That's nothing though, the night before I slept until 4:00 until someone finally called me for 4:20 festivities. I will never forgive myself and my laziness. I am pathetic.
So, a lot has already happened. The biggest news is that I've decided to quit doing drugs for a week. This especially includes nicotine, caffiene and thc, which are the drugs that I tend to do the most. Last week I went on a bit of a drug binge that included three hits of blotter lsd, 1800 mg of caffiene, unquantifiable amounts of reefer/thc-resin, two 40 oz bottles of olde english malt liquor, 300 mg of dxm, 40 grams of nutmeg, 1/8 oz of psilocybin mushrooms and four packs of cigarettes. Needless to say, I needed a break. So here I am, it's the afternoon of my first drug free day in a while. I feeling good. I'm not feeling any withdrawl effects that come with certain addictions. I think most of my addictions are mental anyway. Last night I took two caffiene pills, drank a 40 and smoked some resin and I felt kind of like I was rolling on MDMA. An interesting feeling I must say. For those of you who are reading this saying, "Wow! What a dope fiend, it's good he's quitting, even if only for a limited time," you should know that it's mostly exaggeration. For those of you reading this saying, "No way dude, I've done way more drugs than that and I'm just fine," you should know that it's worse than it sounds. And for those of you saying, "This man must truly be a genius," you should know that it's all true.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I have a love hate relationship with insomnia. Sometimes I'd like to sleep, but sometimes it's nice to be up all night. I like seeing the sun set and rise all in the same day. It's a perspective that nobody but insomniacs really see. On the other hand, when you have insomnia you desparately want something to do, but there is nothing! Nothing is open at 6am. It's a time that most people are sleeping through. Yr not supposed to be up between the hours of 3-6am. Those three hours are reserved for the freaks. They're the only ones who stay up long enough to consciously wander through them. Anyway, here I am in the library trying to figure out what to do with my day, which right now seems very long. I'll probably sleep like a baby tonite. I'll wake up late for work and they'll scold me, maybe even suspend me, or fire me if I'm really lucky. Here's the dilemma, I've been up since 2pm yesterday. Before that I was sleeping so deeply that a vacuum cleaner didn't even wake me up. I slept the best I have in months. But now I'm stuck in this state. The problem is, since I slept so late my biological clock is all thrown off so I took some caffene pills to keep me out of that not-quite-awake-but-not-quite-asleep state. Now I'm so wired I couldn't sleep if I was dead. Anyway, the show for tonite was cancelled. Don't bother going to Roberts if you don't go to school there. It's an evil place full of Christians ready to damn yr soul into hell. The only problem is, it leaves me with a hole in my day and since I've been up since yesterday, there's a space of too many hours that I need to fill with something. My roommate was up quite late too. He's done a few too many all-nighters. He's an insomniac to the core. I, on the other hand, only dabble in insomnia occationally. He forced himself to go to bed last night. Maybe I should have done the same, but I didn't want to waste this strange energy. I couldn't lay idle in a bed with my eyes uncontrollably, painfully open all night. No, that wouldn't be practical. So I guess it's good that I'm on this journey. All-nighters are exciting as long as they're not a regular habit. Then they're just annoying.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

This Thursday I'm playing at Robert's Weslyan College in Chili with Talal Cocker. I'm not sure exactly where it's going to be, but I'll post more info as soon as I get it (probably tomorrow).

Thursday, November 06, 2003

A poem is a poem that is not alone only if it does not sleep by itself...

*Second Glance At a Blood Stained Veil*


I could see the light creeping in from the crack inbetween the door and the wall
It was bleeding onto my face like the web from a spider's ass
I woke up gently to find my body not in the most comfortable of positions
I proceeded to try and find my way up, but my limbs were numb
After the tingly feeling all over my body subsided I was able to move
It felt so good to move
And just be free and just AWAKE!
It's like the sound of a freight elevator in the middle of a drug-awareness video
The kind they used to show us in eighth grade
How did they expect us to understand then
We were just little kids
We didn't know anything about spirits or ghosts or consciousness
They didn't teach us that which was once so important to the human family
They only taught us death and hell and rules
We never learned dances or freedom or imagination
We learned facts and figures and statistics and dates
Well that's all HORSE SHIT!
I defy you school system
I defy yr hidden curriculum
I defy yr dream assasinations
I defy yr rule crazy pig-fucking system
And I object to the horror that you continue to put the children of this human family through
I object to the indoctrination
I object to the flag-sucking, bible-thumping patriotic ameriKKKan dream
I object to teaching Reganism and Swartzeneggerism and Trickle Down Technophile Shitstem Economics
I will burn yr flag
I will break yr laws
I will steal and scam and subvert
I will grow whatever I want
I will smoke whatever I want
I will eat whatever I want
I will read whatever I want
I will love whatever I want
I will worship however I want
I will take my life if I want to
I will smoke a cigarette wherever the fuck I want
Because I am soverign
I am my own master and I will bring you down
With my bare hands I will tear down the walls of yr castle
And like Robin Hood I will steal from the rich and give to the poor
Every culture has a Robin Hood story
And Robin Hood is always the hero
Because Robin Hood is for the people
And there ain't no power like the power of the people because the power of the people don't stop
So I can swim naked in a pond at 2am if I want to
And I can smoke whatever I want inside a public building if I want to
And I can fuck whatever gender I want to fuck
And I can write and grow and learn and read and think and ingest and smoke and listen and watch whatever the fuck I want
Because I am soverign
I am my own master
I saw my own face in the sky
And then I watched it crumble and fall
Like the towers of Jericho
There I was on the ledge with god
She was scrawling something onto a stone tablet
But it was just gibberish
God wasn't writing anything
It was Moses
Moses was the asshole
He made up all those rules
Fuck Moses
Fuck Jesus
Fuck Muhhammed
I am my own prophet.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

ok, I finally did it. I'm pathetic, I know. But I'm also very lonely. I posted a personal ad on the High Times website. Who knows, maybe it'll help me become famous. View my profile here.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Came across this site in my travels. Pretty interesting.
Going to a protest this weekend in DC. It's anti-occupation. More info:

http://www.internationalanswer.org/campaigns/o25/index.html
http://www.unitedforpeace.org/
http://www.bvfp.org/
http://www.abolishthebank.org/

check out DC IMC for updates on what's going on there.
“You state things like, it could cause a user to fall asleep while driving. What idiot would use this while trying to drive a car?”
- a 23-year-old Salvia defender in Pittsburgh, PA

*Hark*


Laughter is amplified by the screeching of wolves outside
The moon is a hole in the sky obscured by fog
The howling wind is a darkness to the eardrum
And laughter never sets

Boring moon and stars
Why do you shine so bright
Hurting the eyes of the gouls and vampires out here tonite
Why would you bring our spirits here

Waves of light spread violently across my body
Engulfing my flesh with flames
But who can burn the master's house without first lighting a match
And why do you want me to be the bait

Grass grows and fog still burns bright
Tigers lurk behind every tree stump
The snake will offer you the apple
If you eat it you will be blessed with mortality


Wednesday, October 22, 2003

black as night
blue as day
the colors on the pedals of the flowers fading away
the flower closing up
there will be no white kristmas this year
there will be no celebration
these are times of morning
birds are dying
and our cars are killing them
how much did you pay for that?
i want that money back!
no yes no yes no
i have given up on you
why don't you give up on me

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

I typed in Gonzo in the a search field and here are the more interesting results:
http://www.gonzo.org/ - this was kind of what I was looking for - a site about Hunter S. Thompson
http://members.tripod.com/gonzolinks/ - a left-oriented conspiracy theory site
http://www.gonzoturtle.com/ - some pretty shitty writings by a sexually-frusterated wanna-be author
http://www.muppets.com/profiles/gonzo.htm - a biography on Gonzo the Muppet - this dude is almost as cool as HST
http://www.gonzoscience.com/ - just some wierd science shit

*Hope(less)*


I'm sorry to interrupt yr peace with a red pillow on a black background
I hate fade into the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time
Laughing at the frogs who take their time on lilly pads at Lethe
I wanted to buy amyl nitrate from the queer monk who always gives me the eye
But I was broke
And the eye was red
But I only wanted to sleep
I'm hiding yr face in the sheets
And yr not hiding me because I'm running
You can't stop running once you've started
And you can never get tired
I guess I gave up a long time ago
And I'm not trying to please anybody anymore
I like my smell
I like dirt
And I like this life
But nothing good ever lasts
Nothing gold can stay
And that's why I've found a new hope in hopelessness
Because poppers fuck yr mind
And destroy the fabric of time and space
They're just little ripples in the big lake
And at the end of the line the Great Spirit is waiting to take us away
One last roadtrip before the break of dawn
And we'll laugh and laugh before this trip is done
I'm gonna get you for what you've done, said the monk
I'm gonna die in here if you don't let me out
This furnace is killing me and god isn't going to save me
The king will never praise my faith
And the angel Gabriel wouldn't lift a finger for the likes of me
Before dawn breaks we're going to be older
And we'll never be the same again
Nothing staying the same
Always changing
Shapes, patterns, clouds moving
Our sky is not the same as their sky
We are glow-in-the-dark nighlights flashing across the cornfield at 4:20am
And I have had enough of this game
I can't play Tetris when yr fucking my brain
Is the answer yes or no
Is it ambiguous like everything else
I'd like to change the time and date
But there's no off switch on this machine
And you can't always control a dream
Wake me up in time for class
Or don't
It doesn't really matter
Life is in a constant state of motion
Like the shadows on the wall as they crawl like spiders toward the cheese in the corner
But it's a trap
I should have told those mice not to go in there
Now they'll die and it was all my fault
But the moon is shining like a silver dollar tonite
And the sun hasn't even gone down
It reminds me of driving to my girlfriend's house and making-out on a snowey hill in twilight time
Then fucking around in the basement of someone's house
I don't remember that time all too well
The drugs are getting to me
And so is the air
I need to go outside
Breathe something fresh
I need to stop writing
I need some coffee
Fresh coffee
Fair trade, organic
I need to stop smoking
I need to stop drinking
I need to stop taking pain-killers and psychedelics and entheogens
I need sex and I need to have pain again
I know too many pain junkies
And I guess it's not for me
My self-destruction takes on other forms
This is not a cry for help
It's just a cry
I just want someone to listen
Won't you please listen to me sing
I am singing a song I wrote for you
It's called, "how to fall asleep without dying"
I think you can understand
The refrain goes, "listen to yr eyes as they move around in yr skull"
And I think that it's gonna be alright
Could you tell that I'm just fine
I'm actually quite alright
I don't need you and I don't need anything
I just need myself
So I'm being honest and sober and serious
This is no time to be fooling around
These are critical times hard to deal with
And I can't deal with them anymore
But as much as this world brings me down
I don't let it get to me
They're just haters and they don't understand
You are amazing and so am I
That's why we don't need tears just yet
Or we do need tears and that's what makes us different from them
They have no spirit
They don't know how to cry
They are not metaphysical beings and we are
They don't have a heart
And you do and so do I
We're better than them
We're better than those flag-sucking, bible-thumping, bomb-fucking, ass-kissing squares
Am I artistic enough?
I've never thought about it
I think I'm too honest to be an artist
Everything I write is autobiographical
Except sometimes I lie
I used to lie a lot
I don't see the need to anymore
I never lie to other humans
Only to machines
To the bosses and the professors and the law
These people don't have spirits
They've been broken by the man
They can't even feel anymore
I'm pretty fucked up, but at least I can still feel
At least I still have a spirit and at least I'm still human

Friday, October 17, 2003

excerpt from my book Frequencies of Consciousness:
"When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale, and never tried it again."
- Bill Clinton

Old Billy from Arkansas, the scourge of Kosovo, smoked pot in college. It seems like college is a time for that kind of thing: Discoveries about life. The problem with universities as I see them is that it’s too caught up in the competitive spirit of capitalism. In the past the idea of universities was noble. The ancient Greek gymnasiums were all about bettering yrself. Okay, the idea of universities was never noble. The concept has always been essentially flawed. It’s too coercive. There’s too much pressure to “be the best.” It’s all bullshit: Individualism and competition. College as an institution is pretty shitty, but there are fun things about it: the parties, the drinking, meeting new people, learning about life. College is a lot better than high school. It’s the lesser of two evils. High school is like prison. It’s the most restrictive organization you could put kids into next to Juvie. That’s why kids turn against each other. They come into school with guns and blast each other. People say the solution is more authority, but that is exactly the problem. The Israelis and Palestinians have been fighting for years because they don’t understand the concept that more authority is what is escalating the problem. An overabundance of authority leads to the kind of desperation that would drive someone to murder. In the words of Marilyn Manson (the poster-child for Lost Generation apathy) ‘go ahead and kill yrself, yr already dead.’ We’ve been blaming the victim for too long. Look at things sociologically, not psychologically.
The Amerikan Dream is dead. None of us really believe it anymore, but we still mindlessly repeat it until one day we snap. Mid-life crises are a form of violence. It’s people in the post-dream part of their lives lashing out at society for not fulfilling its promises of a happy life. Old men smoking grass, buying fast cars and fucking younger wimyn. Old wimyn popping Valium, drinking excessively and fucking younger men. These are cries for help. It’s desperation. Generation X is just starting to reach this stage now. What a strange time to be alive. There are snipers just randomly shooting people out of desperation. This country has perpetrated 500 years of violence against dark-skinned people – officially and unofficially. I can understand why a dark-skinned person might get a gun. Doesn’t mean I agree with it, but I understand it. And when you have a gun the next step is to use it. I don’t’ like guns, but I think if the pigs and the military are going to have guns then the people should have guns too to level the playing field a bit. I don’t give a shit about the second amendment. The constitution is a class-document that legitimized slavery. But I think that until all weapons can be destroyed those who feel the need to protect themselves should be able to. If our society weren’t so filled with fear and competition people wouldn’t be so likely to use them.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

My life is in a downward spiral. I think it's the fever that's making me lonely and introspective... and maybe a little depressed. Here's a poem I wrote about the alternative:

*Last Communique to Society*


The world is cruel and the world is not us
The world could never satisfy our needs
No more waiting for heaven
We've always had the option to leave
This is what happens when you stop chasing the Amerikan dream
Because that's not the dream you want
We want to drop our coins in a vending machine and choose our own muther fucking dream
we want to go backwards in time
We want to break every rule and then break them all again
Because this isn't working for me
i don't know about you
just me
And I can never call this freedom

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Reality, or at least I guess that's what most people call it, finally hit. Today I realized that walking around in a drug frenzy all the time never knowing what's going on doesn't rid you of the shitty things in life, it only alleviates them for a time. I've been sick with some sort of viral infection for a week, high on Dextromethorphan, Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, Pseudoephedrine, Doxylamine Succinate, Guaifenesin and my good old stand by Tetrahydrocannabinol the whole time. I got my car broken into. I am completely broke. I've missed a lot of work. I'm behind in college. But still, I'm not breaking down like I would have if I was at the emotional stage I was probably less than a year ago. I think I'm finally starting to realize the Amerikan experience. This is what it's like to live in Amerika today. It sucks and most of it is due to fascist authority, but it still can be what you make it if you live life passionately. I'm going to film class now because it's fun. All we do is watch films.

Monday, October 06, 2003

On Saturday my car was broken into outside of the Water St. Music Hall. It was pretty crazy. I've never been the victim of crime before, so this was definately a new experience for me. Even though it's going to be a real pain in ass getting everything sorted out, trying to find money to pay for it and lamenting over the irreplacable items that had sentimental value, I'm not real upset about it. Life goes on just as it did before. I think I've come to realize that possessions are fleeting. Easy come, easy go. So I don't miss them because what's the point in missing them. Possessions don't have personalities. You can't call them when yr feeling down. I'm glad I had my friends there to help me through it because I realized that it's relationships with people, not material possessions that are important.

http://www.claykeck.com/patty/

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Here's a food journal I had to do for one of my classes:

The agricultural revolution was known as the beginning of human civilization. What does it mean to be civilized, though? Does it mean that we’re any freer? Do we have more free time? Not necessarily. In fact, the invention of totalitarian agriculture (that agriculture which seeks to completely control the ecosystem of a cultivated plot of land) only leads to things like the peasant class and increasingly centralized authority. Then the advent of capitalism opened up a whole Pandora’s box of marginalization and exploitation. Foragers had more free time than we do. They didn’t need to work for a wage. We, on the other hand, are slaves to technology. We waste more energy on pre-packaged food because we have been alienated from our labor. We no longer partake in what we create. Therefore, we have lost the reverence of food that the foragers seemed to understand.

I wonder how certain foods are discovered. Did people just pick fruits from off the trees and test them to see if they killed them or made them stronger? I was thinking about that in terms of medicinal and psychoactive herbs. A lot of experimenting must have gone on. How could someone discover that if you eat Echinacea root you won’t be sick for as long or if you eat enough nutmeg you’ll have a spiritual experience. Somebody must have tried these plants and asked themselves, “What is this doing to my body/mind?” This is cultural knowledge. We should not take it for granted. We have a lot to thank the cultures that came before us for. If people hundreds and thousands of years ago hadn’t discovered these things which we take for granted today the world would be a lot harder place to live.

Friday, September 12:

12pm
Coffee
Cookie

3pm
Hummus pita
Coffee
Soup

6pm
Iced tea

8pm
40 oz. Old English Malt Liquor
Two slices of cheese pizza
Iced tea
Rolling Rock beer

I don’t eat a whole lot, but it’s more than I used to. I’m not vegan anymore because I had started to lose weight again. I still try to avoid animal ingredients wherever I can, but I’ve been known to eat desserts containing eggs and pizza with cheese. I should drink more beer. That would make me fatter. The problem is I always get piss drunk after only one 40.

Monday, September 15

12pm
Coffee
Pizza
Ice cream bar

3pm
Coffee
Hummus pita
Ice cream bar

8pm
Eggplant curry
Green tea

12am
Dumpstered loaf cake
Chamomile tea

I don’t eat a lot of real food. Usually I just pick up whatever is around and cheap (preferably free). It’s nice when Talal (my roommate) cooks, but it’s even better when his mom is here and she cooks for us. I have a lot of issues with parents. I don’t usually feel comfortable around them, but if they’re giving me food it makes it better. Then we have the connection. It’s like by them offering me food they’re accepting me and by my acceptance of their food I’m accepting them.

Tuesday, September 16

10:30am
Coffee
Toast and peanut butter

11:15am
Coffee

1:30pm
Coffee
Hummus pita
Vegan soup

5:30pm
Coffee
Cheese pizza

8pm
Iced tea
Granola bar

I tend to consume a lot of cigarettes and other smokables throughout the course of the day, but I don’t think that’s considered food. Although it is something that is consumed orally, I think for it to be food it has to have some nutritional value. That’s why you can consider beer a food even though it’s also a drug. Actually, just about any food can be considered a drug because the definition of a drug is something that changes your body. So any food is a drug, but not any drug is food.

Fruits/Vegetables:
Fruit (derogatory term for a queer person), Vegetable (comatose person), Lettuce (money), a bad apple spoils the whole barrel, couch potato, cauliflower ears

I don’t know, I’m not very good at this right now. It seems like a lot of the phrases describing vegetables like couch potato and related phrases describe lifelessness. Perhaps it represents unconsciousness. A vegetable is something that is alive, but not conscious. A vegetable has no thought. It does not dream or imagine or respond immediately to stimuli. Vegetables are the unconscious counterparts to animals.

A poem about food…
Eat and it will make you hungry
But starve yourself and you will die
Drink the brown glass bottle of poison
And finally understand the meaning behind broken glass
Purge when yr done binging
Puking only makes your stomach empty
So why should we be puking
When others are starving
And all we can think of
Is how much we’ve had to drink
Or how we shouldn’t have taken that much cold medicine
Food will change your body
It can also change your mind
They say you are what you eat
And you are if you eat yourself
Prolonging the pain of being alive
Prolonging the curse of existence
Eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow we’re all dying

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Here's a poem that describes my state of mind.

*Semester of Slack*


Born into chains
A slave to the master machine
Whatever happened to being born free
Because I don't need this
I do't need the ivory tower bullshit liberal indoctrination
To achieve a broken Amerikan dream of nine to five wage slavery
Because I don't need a job to be happy
I don't need a university degree with honors which means nothing but is supposed to make me feel smarter than everyone else
Because I think constantly
Even when I sleep I have deeply meaningful dreams
So why do I need to have a phd tell me about things that don't matter
When there's so much I have yet to learn about myself
I mean, if you don't know yrself can you really know anything?

Thursday, September 25, 2003

You see, sometimes we have to slow things down. Sometimes we have to speed things up. That's the way life works. I've been trying to take it slow, but it all seems so fast. I don't know what the nature of these changes are, all I know is that they're happening. Did you ever have a lucid dream? I did a few nights ago. I remember what it was about too. I was carrying a dead body along with a few other people dressed in trench coats. At one point I opened my eyes. Was I awake? I closed them again and the dream continued. I could do anything I wanted, but I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to just let the dream take me away with it, but it wouldn't take me. It wanted me to take it. I don't know what dreams mean usually. I'm sure they mean something, though. Dreaming seems like too important a function of the human brain for it to be meaningless. I don't have all the philosophical answers yet. What I mean is, I don't know what I believe... or if I believe anything. I still want to have a good nightmare like I used to. It's been a while. Nightmares are best when they wake you up in a cold sweat, yr heart is beating hard and fast and yr scared shitless, but you don't know why. It's a real exhilerating. I want to have something like that to make me remember I'm alive and I'm human and I can feel pain. Right now I'm pretty numb. I feel things, but they're not the passionate emotions I once felt. All I feel is a dull tingling now.
Here are some poems I wrote under the influence of some mind-altering substances:

bebebecome be nothing fall puke grow fail succeed fall down down plant
grow
green flower leaves grass grow down roots grow down and I am leaves
leaves
of grass gree grass meadow wild mountain thyme streching out forever
forever
and never and these leaves streaching forever and these forever leaves
streching growing up and down down down and down and up and sinking but
being uplifted embracing and embrace and these thing just mean things
and
they don't mean anything coughing rolling smoking high on fire burning
melting the ice of hell and never again burning setting aflame the
effigies
of fascism and growing and learning and burning and flags stars and
stripes
burnig molotov cocktail through the window of the police presinct and
rolling and toking and free free free freedom no more chains free and
free
and free and rolling and tripping and toking and gone just gone just
getting
gone no where I am scenery and I am never alone but there is only me and
I
am freedom and I am ANARCHY ANARCHY ANARCHY I can't stop saying that
word it
sounds so good it is the warmth in my heart in the coldest hell and the
more
I live the more I grow the more I become ANARCHY and the more I embrace
it
and allow it to embrace me allow ANARCHY to embrace me and let my heart
beat
ans just be and don't break down just keep going like human machines
like
MAxim GOrkey and like everything I despise in life like capitalism and
greed
and individualism and hate and everything I've pirged from my life and
pirged from my throat and puking and falling and drowning and choking on
my
own vomit and drowning and puking and choking on my own vomit and
drowning
in the toilet and pirging myself of the white devil's disease that was
bred
into me and crass and other things but left and leaving and puking out
capitalism and flushing it down the toilet and growing green and rolling
and
tripping and toking and being and becoming and growing into me growing
into
ANARCHY and me and I am learning and growing green and it's only because
I'm
greener that green and elsothic or that is who I am and I am me and I am

ANARCHY!


stars
burning
stars
like diamonds in the fucking sky
sometimes crashing down
and sometimes just staying up there
and fucking the sky
black tar paper with cheap little rhinestones
A set for a broken television show
But broken and unchained
BLemished and dirty
Dirtier than even me
SPace is so full of dirt
and I don;t care anymore
You said you left me alone to think
and I thought and I thought you were just leaving me alone
But you were there and so was I
at least I think It was me
or someone who looked like me
ans as the sun creeps up over the horizon
and you ask for whom does the sky bleed?
and it bleeds for thee
and for whom does the sky weep>
it weeps for thee
and I'm going somewhere to set my consciousness down
Then I'll breathe untill its time to pick it back up
and drink life
Don't you just love the air?
Doesn't it just make you feel good all over?

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

*Feeling Good*



Do you think when the world is perfect we'll all feel good all the time
After the revolution or something
Do you think we'll ever feel alright
Do you ever just sit back and say, "Damn I'm feeling good"
I want to see things that you don't see
Do you ever see things that aren't really there
I want to see bearded men kissing bearded men on every corner of the street
I know there's got to be a day when things will be okay
Everyone's been talking about it so it must exist on some level
I think I'm happy just being alive
I think I'm happy just having good times
I woke up a couple of days ago just enjoying life
I don't think it's time to quit
I don't think it's time to quit anything quite yet

Friday, September 19, 2003

More art:





... and radical games for the bored websurfer
Just now I discovered the genius and artistry of Larry Carlson, although I couldn't appreciate his art completely since the computer I'm using has no sound. I want to share this amazing experience with everybody, so here is a collection of Carlson links:
http://www.larrycarlson.com/
http://www.virtualom.com/
http://www.larrycarlson.com/medijate/index.htm
http://www.larrycarlson.com/the_end/index.htm
http://www.larrycarlson.com/aloha_universe_forever/index.htm
http://www.larrycarlson.com/saint_germain/index.htm
http://www.larrycarlson.com/love_maze.htm
http://www.filesharedwork.org/
http://www.hightimes.com/htsite/whoweare/index.php?page=history

This shit is really amazing. Some of it is interactive which contributes to the trippiness. You don't have to be on drugs to appreciate Carlson's art... but it doesn't hurt.
*Holy trippiness
*Bush is an asshole

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

*Home is Wherever You Sleep*


The bliss is gone
I think now I can feel the full effects of sobriety
The daze, the loose grip on reality, the absence of drama
Gone
And I am feeling like the invisible man
Always talked about
But never seen
And I am the salt shaker quietly contemplating the cosmological argument on the table top
Shake!
Rites of the tribe of Brutus
Burning and heart beating fast
Racing
Happiness is a long ways a way
I thought it was right in front of me
Just out of reach
But I've seen the road
And it's pretty far to walk
And I don't have the energy right now
But maybe in a few days I'll go looking for it again
Maybe I'll stop destroying my life and let myself live
And maybe I'll let myself be myself
But my eyes are heavy
And I still can't sleep
Burning and racing
And tripping and rolling and toking and drinking
And sanity
And insanity
The lines blurred
The vision gone
The snake lingering in the grass
Will you mistake the snake for a garden hose
To put out the fire
And when you turn the spicket
Only venom cums
And cum and cunt and dream
And an empty bucket
Waiting to be filled
And waiting for nothing
But waiting
Waiting to wait
The narrow road
But broad and spacious is the road leading to destruction
And I like to take the one less traveled
But I don't fit on it
It's too crowded
And I don't fit in this crowd
Someone saw me smoking a cigarette on the road
And I don't even smoke
But I was caught red handed
And now the game is up
I left the bed
I left the house
I wouldn't have gone home if I had somewhere else to go
But now I don't care
I gave up with a head full of psilocybe
And I realized that I wasn't in love
And I don't think I've ever been in love
I just like the idea
And I don't like you

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Thursday, September 11, 2003

today's links:
http://www.subgenius.com/
http://www.geocities.com/main_clinton_leaveit/

today's poem:

*Entropic Distance; Fragmented Pangea*



Turn the corner and my mind doesn't work
Laying the bricks in the wall before the machine stops working
Dry lips and moist pants
Fucked on hashish and beer
The lights dim
There's really no light at all
And you became a ghost
All I could see was yr auora and it scared me
Frantic in the playground of yr mind
Bending, turning, streching
Fucking my mind
Fucking in my mind
Fucking up my mind
Black lights make bodies glow like the gray race
Married to my mind
Married in my mind
Married to humankind
Touching, breathing, thinking,
Stoned as fuck
My mind's not clear
My eyes, heavy eyes
Red from grass and fatigue
Run run run! The lunatic approaches!
We're gonna need to go further than that
We're gonna have to go down
Watching the trails that precede my cigarette
A joint and codeine on the beach
The waves feel like me
Crashing against yr shore
And not alone like before

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

If you want to know what's going on in Iraq right now check this site out.

Monday, September 08, 2003

Here's a poem I'm writing right now...

*No Sane, Just Sleeping*


I had just turned 19 when my life changed
I couldn't see myself in the mirror
All I saw was a reflection of something that wasn't me
And the reflection was physical
And I'm sure it wasn't me because I'm not
In fact, I'm nothing and nowhere
But it's all the same
So I want to touch other human beings
And I want to tell them I love them
Because that will make them human
But I'm in love with everybody
And I finally understand what she said
And why we had to break up
Because love isn't something you lock up
It's something you give freely
And I don't think you can see that
I guess we're all different
But I thought you were more different
I thought you were special
Not a square, but a triangle... or better yet a circle
Everything was circles
And she was circles and the room was circles
But all I tried to do was make sense of it
And it didn't work
It only made things worse
I don't think I'll do those drugs together again
But I can never say for sure
But why does it always seem like yr either completely alone, or yr streched too thin
And you can't possibly have enough love for everyone who loves you
And you feel so close to everybody
Which is why I finally understand what she said
And why we had to break up
And it scares me to see myself taking the same road
And it scares me to think that I am no longer what I was
And I've somehow grown
And I've somehow become something different
Maybe better, but definately not the same
And I don't think I'll ever be the same again
So we put our arms around eachother
And I think about her
But I can't forget how close I came to others
Physical touch is the eventual result of the collision of souls
Maybe we'll all touch someday
And maybe we won't be jealous
But we'll still be friends
And we'll still be married
Because everyone is married to everyone
And I've come to the realization that there are only two people in this world
Those who have love in their hearts...
and those who don't
Everyone should come to the Western New York Social Forum in Rochester.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Here's lyrics to a song that's on Love, Revolution and Grass and a poem which I might turn into a song...

*Death*


I've decided I want to die choking on my own vomit
I heard once
- I don't remember if it was Satan or George Orwell -
That if you want to be free you've got to die in yr boots
I like going to bed wet
So maybe I'll drown myself in the toilet as I go
Make fun of dying
Mock death then leave
This is why I don't drink... much
Because every once in a while you think dreams will save you
But press the levar and they're flushed like everything else
Maybe that's why I can't stand churches

It's Not My Revolution If I Can't Puff



Drugs drugs are good
Drugs drugs are bad
It's all in what you call it
Is it a drug if it's medicine?
Is it a drug if it's a plant?
I saw a homeless civil-war reenactor walking into a McDonald's carrying a musket and a sack full of something
And everyone has their own explanations
It's either too few or too many drugs
The doctors gave me Zoloft
My friends gave me pot
I liked pot better
If you don't do enough drugs they say you'll die
We've all got to go sometime
Didn't you hear Joe Hill say it's a lie that yr high in the sky when you die
I define drugs differently
And I don't think there's any reason why I shouldn't be high in the sky while I'm still alive
So let's cut the bullshit:
The herbacides, the wars and the jails
Long live the FARC
Spark that shit and feed yr fucking head
My new tape is done. It's like 20 something songs and it's two sides of a 60 min tape. It's called A Whole Bunch of Songs About Love, Revolution and Grass. E-mail me or talk to me in person if you want a copy. Here's another pie link.
The world needs more pieings like this one.
Listen people, let's stop kissing Dean's ass and start smashing the state. Vote Democrat? Nah, I prefer revolution.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Why the Green Party (of Monroe County) sucks:
They wouldn't endorce Harry Davis for Rochester city council even though he is registered as a Green and has been working with the Green Party for years.
They have a misleading stand on marijuana.
They rely too heavily on electoral politics while putting little energy into direct action.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

The clock is ticking for Salvia D.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Check out this arsehole. Stole my name.

*You*


Poetry is the pain I'm writing while I'm lonely
Scratching this my glass window with a piece of diamond
Burning the skin on the tips of my fingers with a bic lighter you can get at any major gas station for a buck twenty nine
And you are something I haven't quite figured out quite yet
Can you tell when someone likes you
Can you feel them thinking about you
Do you read into every gaze
Or are you just there, not watching, not listening
Just being exactly who you are and not being someone who looks at things as if they're mirrors
I was wondering, if you had the time, did you want to...
I heard a voice outside
The echo of a criminal
But there's nothing out there and there's nothing in here
I'm nothing
But you are exactly what you are when I'm not around
And I'm not here
So you can be there
And you won't even have to bother
Because I won't let myself be

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Now this shit's just getting out of hand.
This one breaks the cynicism meter.

Monday, July 21, 2003

Check out this website...
Then check out these movies:
Fallen Angels
Reefer Madness
Frankenhooker

Friday, June 27, 2003

I haven't had access to a computer lately since I moved out and we still don't have a phone line. Anyway, I'm living in the Vincent Slazer Collective. It's fun. I'm playing at Muthers next Thursday, the 3rd of July for a poetry night thing which I believe will be followed by a drag king show. I think the poetry night thing starts at 6. I'm not sure how many songs I'll be playing, but it'll be at least one. Immediately after that we're going to Philly to protest the constitution center.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Today is the end of an era. I'm sitting here thinking about what today means. I have my last exam of the semester today and I still haven't registered. I can't get ahold of my advisor which is a pain in the ass. I shouldn't have procrastinated this long, but I still wish it could be easier for me to just pick a couple of classes for next fall. I have to go to the DMV today to register the car in my name. I tried to go yesterday, but when I got there it was closed. Not a fun day. Today is the last day in my parents' house. I'm excited, but I'm also kinda scared. I am imagining this summer to be wonderful, but also it could be horrible. It all depends on what I make it. No time for poems, now or probably for a long time. Maybe I'll try and use someone's computer sometime this summer, but no promises. Ok, so peace to everybody. All Power to the People!

Sunday, May 11, 2003

I haven't posted any poems up lately, but here's lyrics to a song by the Velvet Underground that I've been working on covering. It's called Heroin and it's written by Lou Reed.

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And a
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man can not be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know

Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds

'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know

Monday, May 05, 2003

Looking for guidance? Here's an option.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

A Revolutionary Life
A Loud Obnoxious Death

- I'm sitting here going crazy, but no crazier than usual. So much to take care of right now, but I actually don't feel totally stressed, which is both good and bad. I'm moving out in about two weeks so I probably won't have regular internet access after that because I won't be in school either (SUMMER 2003!!!).
Peace, I'll check back later.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

supposed to be working on a paper.

Next semester I'm starting an organization called Brockport Students Against Work.
Here are some chants/slogans:
Housework not Homework
No Class but Class WAR

Sunday, April 27, 2003

I want to thank all the people that came to the show last night. It was a good time.
Here's a poem...

*Ideals on Wheels*


Touch the mirror to feel the tears that smear across my face
Mirrors make you feel yr own skin
Or sometimes reexamine the very air you breathe
A study in black and white of the noxious pheromones that drip from the trophies of sex

Why do so many people die in bathtubs?
Cornered by the swine of dreams policing thoughts
Bawling in the bathroom for two hours exactly and promptly at 2am the tears disappear and a smile creeps in like the rising sun
And when it all ends I want to look back and say it was a good trip

Follow the river of sound to the apparition of cardboard skulls and salt stained bricks
I'm hoping to find you there
But even if I find you I'll still be lost
I'll pull you aside promising brilliant and epiphanous revelations but only tripping over words on the way to my admission of things that make me feel like a little boy

Tell the people you love how you feel
They'll love to hear it
And you never know how many more chances you'll have
Every day an angel loses its wings since there aren't enough to go around and the young Cassanovas and Cassanovettes are using them like gasoline is free

The night before I told you I wrote this poem that was so honest and passionate
Bees come from Indonesia to get stuck on honey-flavored fly-paper
And somewhere in Amerika a kid played his or her first guitar chord
But mostly I finally made up my mind and I guess it feels good
Or maybe I can't feel anything

Friday, April 25, 2003

This makes me happy.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

From Michael Moore:
Take the Dixie Chicks. I'm sure you've all heard by now that, because their lead singer mentioned how she was ashamed that Bush was from her home state of Texas, their record sales have "plummeted" and country stations are boycotting their music. The truth is that their sales are NOT down. This week, after all the attacks, their album is still at #1 on the Billboard country charts and, according to Entertainment Weekly, on the pop charts during all the brouhaha, they ROSE from #6 to #4. In the New York Times, Frank Rich reports that he tried to find a ticket to ANY of the Dixie Chicks' upcoming concerts but he couldn't because they were all sold out. (To read Rich's column from yesterday's Times, "Bowling for Kennebunkport," go here. He does a pretty good job of laying it all out and talks about my next film and the impact it could potentially have.) Their song, "Travelin' Soldier" (a beautiful anti-war ballad) was the most requested song on the internet last week. They have not been hurt at all -- but that is not what the media would have you believe. Why is that? Because there is nothing more important now than to keep the voices of dissent -- and those who would dare to ask a question -- SILENT. And what better way than to try and take a few well-known entertainers down with a pack of lies so that the average Joe or Jane gets the message loud and clear: "Wow, if they would do that to the Dixie Chicks or Michael Moore, what would they do to little ol' me?" In other words, shut the f--- up.
This is what I'm doing tonite. Upset that I have to work instead of seeing Abusing the Word and 17th Class at the Food Not Bombs space (I guess people are calling it Club Sandwich now). Ahh well, I've got a full weekend anyway between Angela Davis (and maybe critical mass) on Friday and posing nude and the show on Saturday. Plus, I need the money if I'm gonna move out and all.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Tiredness. I just realized how much work I have to do before the end of the semester. I need a break. Good thing I'm not going to school in the summer.



Current playlist:
The Reputation - s/t (?)
The Cure - Best Of
The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving
Rage Against the Machine - all

Monday, April 21, 2003

From the pastures of plastic suburbia where the sheep go to graze to the firey gates of hell
I am beautiful
And no one can take that away from me
here
There's some photos of me here, taken by Josh Strauss. More will be posted soon.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

I played at the protest at the Liberty Pole yesterday. Here's the Roch. IMC article about the rally. I couldn't remember the names of the songs I played yesterday, but I do now so here they are:
- shock and awe
- pour paint on the fire
- brockport to islamabad

Then it was fun fun fun at the RCAN benefit show. Kinda disappointing more people didn't show up though.
Support the people, not the "troops": http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/0418-01.htm
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/0415-12.htm

Thursday, April 17, 2003

http://www.regulareverydaypeople.com/
The person that just IM'd me, please IM me back. I don't know who you are and I accidentally clicked out of the little message thingy.
people that i didn't formerly think were cool but now do...
Susan Sarandon
Tim Robbins
The Pope
the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks
Martin Sheen
... there's more I'm sure, but that's all I can think of for now (note: Jeneanne Garafolo does not appear on this list because she was already cool)
oh man oh man oh man, i need some sleep.

Monday, April 14, 2003

http://www.iraqbodycount.net/
My interesting night Saturday...
i got out of work and i was like, 'well what am i going to do now'
and so i looked in the paper and bowling for columbine was playing at the little at 7 so i was like, 'i'll just go to the movie alone'
so i did and then i went to java's after
and so i'm getting coffee and i look in the smoking room and there's this girl that i recognized from a civil disobedience meeting on friday
and so she waves at me so i go in there and i'm like, what's up, can i have a cigarette
so she's there alone too it turns out so we're talking and then a couple of other people come in and we're all talking
and then someone's like, 'hey we should go back to my house and watch this movie harold and maude'
so i'm like, ok cool
so i'm at this person's house that i don't know watching this movie with three people that i don't know
it was just crazy because it started out being a lonely evening and then by pure serendipity i ended up making new friends
it was going to be a really lonely night and i was going to go home all lonely and shit and it ended up being a great night
Rochester is the best city ever!
So the show in two weeks (Sat. the 26th) featuring me and Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs (and other less important acts) is aparently a benefit for the Tibetan Children's Fund or something like that. At least that's what I got from the Roch. ARA website. Here's a poem for all you romantic bohemians...

*Beautifully Inebriated*


Well I guess you pu ta big picturesque mirror over the sink to kill me
Let my own reflection drive me to paranoia or even suicide
A monster lurking in the shadows under my eyes and around my lips
I forgot to drink the tea that makes the spiders stop crawling on my face
Sometimes they let go a bundle of silk and let the wind carry them to where they want to go
But what would mother say?
Where is th epiety in getting high or low?
A good Christian is always right down the center
The ball hits the center pin at the gates of paradise and Strike! Yr in!
The shoes of magnificence donned with all the grace and elegance due
A snobbish look from the velociraptor in a three-piece suit
His teeth smuggly dripping with the carnage of a bowling match
Boy do we ever love guns
Fill the room with potatoes
Everything's going to be alright
But that's not it at all
The world is a pot of gumbo cooking in a caldron over a piece of hellfire
Take a taste too soon and it's too damn cold
Take a taste too late and it's burning up
But if yo umake sure to slurp the universe through yr teeth right now you won't regret having tasted the savory stew largely undiscovered cooking in a cave somewhere
Eve took a bite of the world
So did Snow White
We all have snakes and witches offering us pieces of wonderfully shiny fruit
But where is the sticker that says USDA Certified Organically Grown
The phone rang and the noises began in patterns
You were speaking
But I lost you at hello
So I hung up in mid-sentence and went back to reading Timothy Leary
And i guess I never understood why you got so mad
So the show in two weeks (Sat. the 26th) featuring me and Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs (and other less important acts) is aparently a benefit for the Tibetan Children's Fund or something like that. At least that's what I got from the Roch. ARA website. Here's a poem for all you romantic bohemians...

*Beautifully Inebriated*


Well I guess you pu ta big picturesque mirror over the sink to kill me
Let my own reflection drive me to paranoia or even suicide
A monster lurking in the shadows under my eyes and around my lips
I forgot to drink the tea that makes the spiders stop crawling on my face
Sometimes they let go a bundle of silk and let the wind carry them to where they want to go
But what would mother say?
Where is th epiety in getting high or low?
A good Christian is always right down the center
The ball hits the center pin at the gates of paradise and Strike! Yr in!
The shoes of magnificence donned with all the grace and elegance due
A snobbish look from the velociraptor in a three-piece suit
His teeth smuggly dripping with the carnage of a bowling match
Boy do we ever love guns
Fill the room with potatoes
Everything's going to be alright
But that's not it at all
The world is a pot of gumbo cooking in a caldron over a piece of hellfire
Take a taste too soon and it's too damn cold
Take a taste too late and it's burning up
But if yo umake sure to slurp the universe through yr teeth right now you won't regret having tasted the savory stew largely undiscovered cooking in a cave somewhere
Eve took a bite of the world
So did Snow White
We all have snakes and witches offering us pieces of wonderfully shiny fruit
But where is the sticker that says USDA Certified Organically Grown
The phone rang and the noises began in patterns
You were speaking
But I lost you at hello
So I hung up in mid-sentence and went back to reading Timothy Leary
And i guess I never understood why you got so mad

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Sometimes I do feel helpless and alone. Sometimes I think I'm the most selfish asshole there ever was, but then I tell myself that it's not my fault and it seems to make me feel better, even though I don't believe it all the time. And sometimes there's someone who I think will make me feel better, but I only end up feeling worse. Don't ask me about this. I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

I've just been informed that there will be free food at the show tonite so all you Brockport anarcho-mooches should be there.
a poem for you... tea for two. don't speak.

*Wrist or Pocket*



There are things that float like wooden blocks cast upon the tinyest sea inside our hearts and underneath our minds which wrap the up like blankets
These things we need to send to bed
Tenderly tucked-in inside a cradle nestled in the crotch of two branches of a weeping willow in the oldest forest where the moss just makes everything look so tired
And a blue haze rises from the hagared wood that once was vibrant and even mobile
These are the things we hold deep inside ourselves but keep dropping in a clumsy stupor
Sand clinging to skin and photographs of windy beaches
The waves beating against the shore in a rhythm that is reminiscent of what it must be like inside the womb
A drone and a rolling static
Repeated audio orgasms exploding in a Freudian symphony where you and Oedipus Rex dance the waltz
Or perhaps it is Jonah and Pinnocchio moving to a strangely comforting sound inside the belly of the whale
They hold each other tightly in the dark
Neither quite sure what it is the other is looking for
Pinnocchio just wanting to be real
And Jonah just wanting to hide
And all expecting to make love to God in that last golden fuck
That's why you and I should stand on the whale as if she were an island
We can set up a house made from rocks and driftwood and build fires using the oil from her baleen
And just let her skin burn
There are only two rules in piracy:
1) People come to get away
2) Being dry is just no fun

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Just a reminder that me (hastheboyfallen) and Brian (the
June Observer) are playing in the Thompson Hall TV Lounge at 8:30 tomorrow night. There is a teach-in that same night in Brockport at 7. I don't remember the room or anything, but I plan on going to that and then leaving early for the show. Also, Wednesday is a day
of silence in solidarity with the glbt people of the world. If you're
into queer rights don't talk until 4pm that day. Wow, big day tomorrow.
Two movies I saw recently that are good:
The Susan Smith Tapes
Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Sunday, April 06, 2003

I need to tell you about this cool movie that I saw a couple of days ago. It's called the Stepford Wives. I won't tell you what it's about because when I saw it I had no idea and it turned out surprising me. It's from the 1970s and it's based on the book. It's kinda slow in the beginning, but stick it out and you won't regret it. CP has my noise tape so I can't make copies until I get it back. Remember about the show on Wednesday at 8:30 at Thompson Hall in SUNY Brockport. I'll have copies of Six Degrees, but not the noise record. Maybe I'll get up the ambition to make some copies of some of my older stuff, but I doubt it.
Sigur Ros is anti-war.
"don't spend my taxes on bombs that kill kids
a jar of flies
he's got the whole world in his hands
blame me"

Thursday, April 03, 2003

some cool personal sites:
http://www.blurbomat.com
http://www.dooce.com
Remember to come to this show next week...
The June Observer
and
Has the Boy Fallen
Aprl 9th TV Lounge of Thompson Hall at 8:30

...and don't forget the one on the 26th.
i had some pictures that i was going to post, but i haven't been able to upload them yet. i'll keep trying. i have a paper to write now.

Monday, March 31, 2003

This is a great blog from Baghdad.
Alice's Resturaunt by Arlo Guthrie is the song of the day. More light-hearted anti-war songs needed.

Friday, March 28, 2003

Democracy in action! Here's that poll again. I had no idea so many people liked "Missing You."


Here's the straight poop on all the shows coming up...

The June Observer
and
Has the Boy Fallen
Aprl 9th TV Lounge of Thompson Hall at 8:30

Hastheboyfallen
Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs
bryan murphy
matthew cross
travis johansen
Aaron gunther
Megan Bartasevich
April 26th - Rocket Coffee - 8pm?

These shows are definate so come out and support me and some other hot local artists, like forgotten figures falling together between two twigs and others like the june observer... but not the Jesse Ames Experience because she's going to the prom.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Dictators and Pacifists
by Mitch Jones

This is my second article about pacifism. The first was written just
before
the Afghanistan War. Since then the world scene has changed a bit.
Things
aren’t any safer since the war. We are now at “Orange Alert.”
Afghanistan
isn’t any freer. There’s a small part of the country that is ruled by a
puppet
regime, but warlords, vigilante sects of the Northern Alliance, run the
rest.
Now we come to another war and with it another anti-war movement. Again,
the
same arguments come up. I’d like to explain the logic of pacifism once
and for
all because it is what is needed right now. Militarism is making things
worse.

The issue that critics of pacifism always seem to bring up is that of
Hitler.
Of course, they don’t remember that he called his attack on the
Sudetenland was
called a “humanitarian intervention,” using the same rhetoric that today’s
war
philosophers use. Also, the British appeasement of Hitler was not the
result
of pacifism. It was the result of indecisiveness on the part of the
authorities in the countries that later became the Allies. They were
not
willing to take a stand against injustice, violently or non-violently.
The
finally became a necessary war when Hitler’s aggression was too late.
Chamberlain’s decision at Munich was based on the idea that if Britain
supported Hitler then he would not attack England. This was obviously
wrong.
Historians have pointed out that the German courts were ready to oust
Hitler at
any sign of international protest. Some did protest, however. The
Anarchists
and Communists in America, some of who did fight violently in the
Spanish Civil
War against fascism, who opposed Hitler were suppressed, deported and
jailed.
American racists fueled the isolationism of the 1930s.

What would the pacifists have done about Hitler? There are a couple of
ideas.
The Treaty of Versailles was a document that fueled German hatreds and
caused
economic hardships for the Germans, which led to the scapegoating of
Jews and
other groups. Perhaps if the treaty had been drafted fairly Hitler
would not
have risen to power. Also, if Britain and the United States had come
out
against Hitler in their rhetoric from very early on he would not have
got as
far as he did – to the point where his aggression lead to war. David
McReynolds points out several non-violent victories against Hitler in an
essay
on the Philosophy of Nonviolence on Nonviolence.org. He writes:

“But within Occupied Europe there were well documented victories for
nonviolence. In Norway there was a successful teachers' strike against
being
forced to teach Nazi ideology. In Denmark the opposition to the Nazis
was led
by the King, who said that if the Jews had to put on the "Yellow Star of

David", then he, the King, would be the first man in Denmark to put one
on.
When the Nazis moved to arrest the Danish Jews, members of the Gestapo
leaked
this news to the Danish authorities and in 48 hours virtually all the
Jews in
Denmark were gotten to safety in Sweden. In Bulgaria, which had no
history of
anti-Semitism, spontaneous civil resistance (including crowds sitting on
train
tracks) prevented the Nazis from shipping any Jews out of the country.”

Of course, no one can know what could have stopped Hitler, but we can
use it as
an example from the past and learn from it.

Some have pointed out that there are parallels between Adolph Hitler and
Saddam
Hussein. Ideologically, Saddam Hussein is probably more like Stalin,
the
dictator who ordered thousands of young boys to die fighting against
Hitler,
but for the sake of argument we’ll discuss the parallels that seem
apparent.

First of all, Saddam Hussein was brought to power by the United States
and
supported by the United States. Had the anti-Saddam movement been
listened to
early on the mess would not be created. Of course, these are all what-if’s,

but if the critics of pacifism are going to use them to ask ‘What if
violence
wasn’t used against Hitler,’ then I’ll ask, ‘What if the United States
hadn’t
supported Saddam Hussein?’ A lot of talk about weapons of mass
destruction has
revolved around Iraq since the early 1990s, however what they don’t tell
you is
that the United States sold Iraq many of those weapons.

Second, like the Treaty of Versailles, the sanctions after the first
Gulf War
have caused economic hardship in Iraq. These sanctions were meant to
weaken
Saddam Hussein’s hold on Iraq. Although I don’t disagree with sanctions
as a
general practice (they definitely worked in South Africa to end
apartheid
almost non-violently apart from a few riots) the sanctions on Iraq have
not
worked. They have only strengthened Saddam Hussein like the Treaty of
Versailles did for Adolph Hitler. The Iraqi people resent the United
States
more than Saddam Hussein for the economic hardships they’ve had to face.

Finally, the question of ‘what do we do about Saddam Hussein’ needs to
be
answered. It is obvious that it is too late to correct the mistakes
made in
the past. However, the United States could have done much to improve
its image
in Iraq. Expanding the Oil For Food program and making real efforts
toward a
Palestinian state would weaken Saddam Hussein.

As far as weapons of mass destruction go, the inspections were working.
Iraq
was making moves toward disarming. Other diplomatic means as well
should at
least have been tried.

Before the war there was plenty of anti-war criticism. However, since
the war
has started such criticism seems to have waned. This is unfortunate.
Jingoistic ideas about “supporting our troops” should not cloud the
discussion. The world has told George Bush NO, but our illusions of
Democracy
have been shattered. Pacifism is seen as offensive. A philosophy that
opposes
all murder is seen as offensive. Doesn’t that indicate that there is
something
wrong with our society’s priorities?
YellowTimes.org has been shut down temporarily. This is due to censorship. Aparently we showed graphics of Iraqi victims that were offensive. Reuters might be picking up the story. I wrote an article, but it won't be published for a little bit it looks like. I'll post it here eventually.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Here's the deal on future shows:

Wed., April 9
The June Observer
Hastheboyfallen
8pm
Thompson Hall Longue - SUNY Brockport

Sat., April 26
The Jesse Ames Experience
Megan Bartasevich
Hastheboyfallen
others (I don't know the whole lineup yet)
9pm
Rocket Coffee - Monroe Ave. Rochester

Fri., May 9 ?
Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs
Hastheboyfallen
9pm ?
Rocket Coffee - Monroe Ave. Rochester

The last one isn't set yet so don't quote me on it or anything. It will be some time in May probably.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Haha, I just realized he called me a twit.
Here's some funny hate mail I got: You know this has been fun for about a nanosecond or two, but since you
aren't up to any kind of decent argument, I think I'll just say TTFN, and
block your e-mail address. Don't go away mad, you twit, just go away.

PS - Masturbate for peace, eh? Hey, I'll bet you're real experienced at
that! Lot's of practice, I'd wager.


Why does pacifism offend so many people? I can see how anarchism could be an offensive philosophy, but not pacifism. How can you criticize criticism of murder?

Here are some other pages:
http://www.strike-the-root.com/3/wiggins/wiggins5.html
http://iraqpeaceteam.org/pages/diaries.html

Friday, March 21, 2003

This site is good for a laugh.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

http://yellowtimes.org/article.php?sid=1171&mode=thread&order=0
STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR! STOP THE WAR!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Alone at home, listening to Coalesce. Here's a poem about how great I am.

*Stem Tea*


I am lightning
I am a vulture's kiss or a big wet one from Judas Iscariot
I am the light that goes off when you press the trigger on yr camera
I am one and two and three but not four
And you don't deserve me

I am beautiful
I told you I have wings
But did you know the story of how I aquired them?
I feel like an empty jug of wine
Fill me up with puke or tears
Or else prove you love me

I am lightly and gracefully moving across the room on a cloud
I dance like a jester who lost his costume and is forced to wear a gray suit and entertain the entire office
I am the life of the party
I'm dirty and I'm squeaky, shining clean
Don't kiss me
You have diseases

Set up the bowling pins
I'll curl up into a ball and knock them all down
Give me a kick to get me started
And when the destruction is complete I won't stop
I'll just keep rolling into the sunset
And one day a million years from now you'll be sipping stem tea with a friend and say out loud, "I wonder what happened to him"
And you honestly won't realize that you drove me away

Monday, March 17, 2003

THIS WAR WILL CAUSE MORE TERRORISM!!!
Well, the war is about to start. We've got two days people. Let's stop this thing by any means necessary. We don't need to kill any more of anyone's children, especially not our own. Keep updated: www.newsfromthefront.org
http://www.humanshields.org/
http://iraqpeaceteam.org
I realized that some people don't know where Rocket Coffee is. Here's they're website which has the address on it: http://rocketcoffee.com/
I'm pathetic. I just can't let myself walk away.

Sunday, March 16, 2003

So last night I got hit on twice. The first girl was really drunk and the second was like 14... not interested, but it's flattering anyway. Maybe being single won't be so bad.

Ok, so here's the news that I was going to say before. Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety is the soundtrack to a movie called Meridian by Josh Strauss. He has copies. If you come to the show on April 26th he'll probably have copies of it. Also, we're talking about doing a screening.

Second, I'm trying to get a show in Brockport with me, Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs and The June Observer. It's still in the works. Also, Forgotten Figures and I are going to do a split and we're going to cover each other's songs. That will get on it's way after the split with the Jesse Ames Experience is done which should be soon, but it hasn't happened yet because I'm a procrastinator.

I think that's all I have to say for now. Oh, someone told me to tell everyone I know to go to a show at Rocket Coffee this Saturday at 9pm so, yeah, do it. I forgot the names of the bands. I know one is the Grievants and the other is something with the word 'penny' in it I think. The latter is pretty good. I've seen them a couple of times. Too bad I can't remember their name.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

There's a lot of stuff going on that I'd like to talk about but I don't really feel like it. There's some stuff with Forgotten Figures and my music in a movie and crazyness. The rally last night and the first show at the new FNB space. Um, I'm single now. Again.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I wrote a poem and it's on a website.
Help me write my setlist:
So, there's a few things I'd like to say. I'm making a tape full of noise rock. I'm not going to promote it a whole lot. I'm pretty much just doing it for myself, but if you see me and you want a copy just ask. I'd be more than happy to give it to some people to accompany their altered states of consciousness or otherwise.

Last night I was feeling really wounded. John Lennon said, "one thing you can't hide is when yr crippled inside," but I seem to have been able to hide it pretty well. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like no one loves me.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

I'm so confused. My head hurts and I'm nauseus. Can it be because I'm confused? Did you ever get where you were on top of the world one day and then on the bottom the next. I don't know. I have to go.

Sunday, March 09, 2003

So last night I had a great night. Friday was good too, but not as good as last night. Anyway, I hope I dream tonite.

So I don't know if I already said this, but on Saturday, April 26th I'm playing at show at Rocket Coffee (Monroe Ave. Rochester - near Krudco, Atomic Eggplant, Abundance Coop) at 9pm. I'm not sure who else is playing yet and I'm not sure what the cover will be (probably no more than a $5 donation). I think it's a benefit for Rochester Anti-Racist Action, but I'm not sure of that either. When I get more information I'll post it here.

Finally, I'm going to try and do a split CD-R with the Jesse Ames Experience. I wrote three new songs and I guess Jesse has three new ones too so I think a split's a cool idea.

Well, that's it for now. Like I said, I hope I dream.

PS: listen to Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs if you get the chance. They're off the hook.

PPS: "Where's yr friend Becky, dude. I want to go home." -p

Friday, March 07, 2003

Not really a lot to say, but I wasted all this time trying to get online so I might as well make the most of it. First of all, it's late and I'm kinda tired. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. It's not because I'm insomniac these days or anything (although I have been in the past). It's just that my schedule hasn't allowed me much time for sleep. Anyway, right now I'm sitting here at the computer having just finished my homework and I'm pondering tomorrow. I'm going through all these plans, schemes, for tricking myself into having a good time. That's what it's come down to these days, tricking myself into having a good time. If I think I'm having a good time, then usually I'm not and when I'm think I'm going to have a good time I almost always don't. What that means is that tomorrow I'm going to a show at 99 Custer St. and I'm going to enjoy it, but not by choice. I'll be forced to enjoy it by factors external to me. I think that was about the most meaningless thing I've ever said, but it makes me sound smart. I've never tried to hide the fact that I only pretend to be smart. It doesn't stop me from pretending though. So here in the computer room I feel so alone. I feel isolated because I'm trying to get this message across to millions of people, but no one seems to be listening. The message is: WAR IS STUPID. But that's not the only message. Love is the answer, that's a good one. I'm in love right now. I don't know why I know that, but I just do. Too bad she doesn't know she is. I sometimes think she is and she's just fooling herself and then I think that she isn't and she's fooling herself. Usually it just boils down to: I'm a fool. The best part about being in love is the longing. I love missing people. I know that somewhere out there there's someone that I'd just love to be with more than anyone and maybe that person feels similar in some sort of way. I don't really need to count on that though. I have my own feelings. I know what they are. What others feel is irrelevant. They're only actors in my dream... and it's MY DREAM!!! So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to play the part of a DIY Revolutionary. I'll pretend to be some depressed artist or something, but really what I'll be reflecting is the emptyness of my soul. I don't mean that in a pretensious arty sense. I mean it in a very literal sense. What I mean is that there really is nothing in me that's worth the body it's been given. Sometimes I think that I transcend this body, but it doesn't really matter. I am beautiful, but not by choice. If I had my choice I'd be the most hideous person on the planet. I think that most people want to be ugly. That's why there are so many anorexics. It's not a media-constructed beauty myth. It's a socially-constructed ugly myth. What it means is that the uglyer you are, the more excuses you can make for yrself. Well guess what! I'm beautiful and I have no excuse for not acting beautiful! No more pretenses. We're all rotting cadavers inside.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

"Revolutionaries are cuter in thrift store threads."
- p & c
ps: don't go to the brown bean
soundtrack (v 2.0):
Jawbox - For Your Own Special Sweetheart
Bob Dylan - Time Out Of Mind
V/A - Follow And Believe (A FNB Benefit Comp)
The Promise Ring - 30 degrees Everywhere
Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs - demo
Last Days of April - Angel Youth


I'm kinda excited about the show at Custer St. on Friday, but I'm more excited about seeing my lover on Saturday. Go figure.

Monday, March 03, 2003

101 Ways To Stop The War In Iraq
I shouldn't be this happy but I am.
So here's what happened Friday...
We got to the Brown Bean and the guy said that I wasn't scheduled to play. I didn't think there was any point in arguing with him so I just left. Strauss and Casey (aka: Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs) asked me if I wanted to play in the Gazebo in the little square across from the Brown Bean so I said I was into it so we did. We traded off every other song in case we got shut down by the fuzz. It was probably one of the crazyest shows I've ever been a part of. Forgotten Figures tore the place up with their situationism and I played a couple of songs that sounded really bad because my fingers were numb and I forgot most of the words. Yay!

Thursday, February 27, 2003

So I tried to post this poem earlier but there was something wrong with the site again. Here it is now.

*Onion Skin*


Dissect the layers
Inch by inch
Hydrosphere and Biosphere
Penetrate the flesh
Dominate every hemisphere
Become the cheshire cat pirched on a mountain of mustard grains
You need to grow wings
You really should try to grow wings

A long winter's journey into the darkness of a springtime in remission
I'm looking forward to the rain
Maybe the warm air will send yr heart back to me in an envelope marked, "what it is to be a pair of dispossessed eyes ... and what they saw"
But for now I'll just feel sorry for myself and know that yr not thinking about me
Even though yr always in my mind
An apparition for my thoughts
The subliminal poetry written in the first letter of each page of a 1000 page volume growing dusty and with a sandpaper cover destroying all the other knowlege on the shelf

I didn't want you to leave the car tonite
There's something symbolic of yr leaving
And when you call me tomorrow you won't be the same person

And all I could ask was, "why"
Isn't that the hardest question?
Who, what, where, when, how
Those questions deal with truth
But why is always subjective

I'm going to see the River Man
I'll tell him everything
Then he'll hit my skull
And attach a tube to my forehead
To suck out the leech that troubles my mind
When he dangles it in front of my eyes I'll squirm
But not as much as I am now that it's still inside of me
Ok, so it's the day before the show and here's some new information. I'm playing at 8pm (not 9 like I originally thought) and will be followed by John Smit at 9... or at least that's how I understand it. So once again, here's the info:

Hastheboyfallen
John Smit
Brown Bean - Fredonia, NY
Friday, Feb. 28
8-10(?)

I think that's the deal. Anyway, just be there at 8 or a little before.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Ok, so here's the news. I'll have copies of Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety available on a voluntary donation basis at the show on Friday. Six Degrees is my new full length. It's 12 songs, about 47 min. of music. Come to the show if you know what's good for ya. Hopefully, I'll have copies of Besar o no Besar as well, but i'm not promising anything at this point.

Monday, February 24, 2003

I wrote a whole bunch of stuff, but there was a malfunction and it didn't post. anyway, now i have to go to work and i don't have time to write it again.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

It's confirmed. Next Friday I'm playing in Fredonia at the Brown Bean. Once again, that's Friday, the 28th of February from 9-10:30 at the Brown Bean in Fredonia, NY. Be there or be dumb.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

If you haven't seen the I Hate Myself website yet, you should. It's pretty dope.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

YellowTimes is back up yall! You knew it wouldn't be long.

Now I should really get some sleep.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

'if you love me you'll sleep in my bed'

the password was ica and i thought it was iom. it's ok though, neither of them are real words.

*Nacirema Cross Stars*



I'm tired of being the one to take the blame all the time
Balanced on a wire and falling from the vibration you made
I'm not crazy
But sometimes I'm driven by that river to make*out in the back of a Buick
If I am the antithesis of sanity
You are the antithesis of helpful

The way I once thought things were has been shot down by a spirit sniper on the ground
I'm a brick in a hall of mirrors
The illusions are changing
Colors fading from crimson and purple to yellow and tawny
The shell is hell tonite
The perceptions of sensible objects has somehow shifted to a more skewed kind of futurism

If I am the antithesis of American
You are the antithesis of content

Star spelled backwards is rats
White hair and grey beards
Welcome to the olympics of academia
Hope you brought yr pencils
Nothing in the world matters more than homework
Homework means the world to me

Sorry if I sound cynical
If I'm the antithesis of anything
Everything is nothing
And you are the antithesis of material
Not even metaphysical
Maybe somewhat subconscious
(Definately 'sub' something)

We walk around like robots
We pay attention like it's a toll
We thank only half-sincerely in electronic voices
But if we are the antithesis of human
Love is the antithesis of us

I am the black bloc
You are the paracite
I am the bone marrow of a dead animal being ate out by decomposers
You are the concrete chopping block with paint replacing blood
I am the war helmet lost by a cadaver still walking, searching
You are the rose inbetween thorns
We are all just walking corpses
Because as soon as yr born
You start dying
And everywhere in chains
This is a very powerful speech by a 12 year old girl.
The show below is still unconfirmed. Sorry if you already told yr mom you can't go to yr little sister's dance recital because yr going to see me in Fredonia. I'll post more information as soon as I get it.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

hastheboyfallen (me) - friday, feb. 28th - show - fredonia - the brown bean coffee shop - 9-10:30pm - be there or be somewhere else
A lyrical strem of consciousness (that means lyrics but not to any one song)

'if there's one thing i know it's how to make something out of nothing
when i play the fool the part comes alive so that it's no longer meaningless lines conjuring vague symbolic convergance
a soul on ice
a trophy display
lenin's tomb
his corpse rotting away
black lights and sleepless nights
it looks like things are getting better
i think the problem is getting worse
she said yr out of here
so i left
what else could i do
there's a factory in north lansing where the workers look out in desparate longing to escape the heat inside before the pinkerton returns
i'm nothing if not what you want
i'm everything beautiful
i'm nothing if not apathy
i'm everything dispossesed
i refuse to slip quietly into obscurity
i won't quiet down or fade away'
Playlist for now...
Sonic Youth - 1000 Leaves
Pavement - Terror Twilight
Public Enemy - He Got Game
Blackheart Procession - 7
238 - Regulate the Chemicals

... hmmm, and I think I'm going to listen to Nick Drake when I get home.

Friday, February 14, 2003

I've been coming home for lunch lately which has a few advantages. I don't have to pay for lunch at the union and I can relax in the cool, quiet atmosphere of the place where I spend most of my time. However, it also takes gas for me to drive from school to home and then back to school which pollutes the environment and supports terrorism. Hmmm, seems like alot of life is a bitter-sweet paradox these days.

Monday, February 10, 2003

This is a good site: http://www.rochesterhope.org/ Yay!