Not really a lot to say, but I wasted all this time trying to get online so I might as well make the most of it. First of all, it's late and I'm kinda tired. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. It's not because I'm insomniac these days or anything (although I have been in the past). It's just that my schedule hasn't allowed me much time for sleep. Anyway, right now I'm sitting here at the computer having just finished my homework and I'm pondering tomorrow. I'm going through all these plans, schemes, for tricking myself into having a good time. That's what it's come down to these days, tricking myself into having a good time. If I think I'm having a good time, then usually I'm not and when I'm think I'm going to have a good time I almost always don't. What that means is that tomorrow I'm going to a show at 99 Custer St. and I'm going to enjoy it, but not by choice. I'll be forced to enjoy it by factors external to me. I think that was about the most meaningless thing I've ever said, but it makes me sound smart. I've never tried to hide the fact that I only pretend to be smart. It doesn't stop me from pretending though. So here in the computer room I feel so alone. I feel isolated because I'm trying to get this message across to millions of people, but no one seems to be listening. The message is: WAR IS STUPID. But that's not the only message. Love is the answer, that's a good one. I'm in love right now. I don't know why I know that, but I just do. Too bad she doesn't know she is. I sometimes think she is and she's just fooling herself and then I think that she isn't and she's fooling herself. Usually it just boils down to: I'm a fool. The best part about being in love is the longing. I love missing people. I know that somewhere out there there's someone that I'd just love to be with more than anyone and maybe that person feels similar in some sort of way. I don't really need to count on that though. I have my own feelings. I know what they are. What others feel is irrelevant. They're only actors in my dream... and it's MY DREAM!!! So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to play the part of a DIY Revolutionary. I'll pretend to be some depressed artist or something, but really what I'll be reflecting is the emptyness of my soul. I don't mean that in a pretensious arty sense. I mean it in a very literal sense. What I mean is that there really is nothing in me that's worth the body it's been given. Sometimes I think that I transcend this body, but it doesn't really matter. I am beautiful, but not by choice. If I had my choice I'd be the most hideous person on the planet. I think that most people want to be ugly. That's why there are so many anorexics. It's not a media-constructed beauty myth. It's a socially-constructed ugly myth. What it means is that the uglyer you are, the more excuses you can make for yrself. Well guess what! I'm beautiful and I have no excuse for not acting beautiful! No more pretenses. We're all rotting cadavers inside.