*Hope(less)*

I'm sorry to interrupt yr peace with a red pillow on a black background
I hate fade into the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time
Laughing at the frogs who take their time on lilly pads at Lethe
I wanted to buy amyl nitrate from the queer monk who always gives me the eye
But I was broke
And the eye was red
But I only wanted to sleep
I'm hiding yr face in the sheets
And yr not hiding me because I'm running
You can't stop running once you've started
And you can never get tired
I guess I gave up a long time ago
And I'm not trying to please anybody anymore
I like my smell
I like dirt
And I like this life
But nothing good ever lasts
Nothing gold can stay
And that's why I've found a new hope in hopelessness
Because poppers fuck yr mind
And destroy the fabric of time and space
They're just little ripples in the big lake
And at the end of the line the Great Spirit is waiting to take us away
One last roadtrip before the break of dawn
And we'll laugh and laugh before this trip is done
I'm gonna get you for what you've done, said the monk
I'm gonna die in here if you don't let me out
This furnace is killing me and god isn't going to save me
The king will never praise my faith
And the angel Gabriel wouldn't lift a finger for the likes of me
Before dawn breaks we're going to be older
And we'll never be the same again
Nothing staying the same
Always changing
Shapes, patterns, clouds moving
Our sky is not the same as their sky
We are glow-in-the-dark nighlights flashing across the cornfield at 4:20am
And I have had enough of this game
I can't play Tetris when yr fucking my brain
Is the answer yes or no
Is it ambiguous like everything else
I'd like to change the time and date
But there's no off switch on this machine
And you can't always control a dream
Wake me up in time for class
Or don't
It doesn't really matter
Life is in a constant state of motion
Like the shadows on the wall as they crawl like spiders toward the cheese in the corner
But it's a trap
I should have told those mice not to go in there
Now they'll die and it was all my fault
But the moon is shining like a silver dollar tonite
And the sun hasn't even gone down
It reminds me of driving to my girlfriend's house and making-out on a snowey hill in twilight time
Then fucking around in the basement of someone's house
I don't remember that time all too well
The drugs are getting to me
And so is the air
I need to go outside
Breathe something fresh
I need to stop writing
I need some coffee
Fresh coffee
Fair trade, organic
I need to stop smoking
I need to stop drinking
I need to stop taking pain-killers and psychedelics and entheogens
I need sex and I need to have pain again
I know too many pain junkies
And I guess it's not for me
My self-destruction takes on other forms
This is not a cry for help
It's just a cry
I just want someone to listen
Won't you please listen to me sing
I am singing a song I wrote for you
It's called, "how to fall asleep without dying"
I think you can understand
The refrain goes, "listen to yr eyes as they move around in yr skull"
And I think that it's gonna be alright
Could you tell that I'm just fine
I'm actually quite alright
I don't need you and I don't need anything
I just need myself
So I'm being honest and sober and serious
This is no time to be fooling around
These are critical times hard to deal with
And I can't deal with them anymore
But as much as this world brings me down
I don't let it get to me
They're just haters and they don't understand
You are amazing and so am I
That's why we don't need tears just yet
Or we do need tears and that's what makes us different from them
They have no spirit
They don't know how to cry
They are not metaphysical beings and we are
They don't have a heart
And you do and so do I
We're better than them
We're better than those flag-sucking, bible-thumping, bomb-fucking, ass-kissing squares
Am I artistic enough?
I've never thought about it
I think I'm too honest to be an artist
Everything I write is autobiographical
Except sometimes I lie
I used to lie a lot
I don't see the need to anymore
I never lie to other humans
Only to machines
To the bosses and the professors and the law
These people don't have spirits
They've been broken by the man
They can't even feel anymore
I'm pretty fucked up, but at least I can still feel
At least I still have a spirit and at least I'm still human