You see, sometimes we have to slow things down. Sometimes we have to speed things up. That's the way life works. I've been trying to take it slow, but it all seems so fast. I don't know what the nature of these changes are, all I know is that they're happening. Did you ever have a lucid dream? I did a few nights ago. I remember what it was about too. I was carrying a dead body along with a few other people dressed in trench coats. At one point I opened my eyes. Was I awake? I closed them again and the dream continued. I could do anything I wanted, but I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to just let the dream take me away with it, but it wouldn't take me. It wanted me to take it. I don't know what dreams mean usually. I'm sure they mean something, though. Dreaming seems like too important a function of the human brain for it to be meaningless. I don't have all the philosophical answers yet. What I mean is, I don't know what I believe... or if I believe anything. I still want to have a good nightmare like I used to. It's been a while. Nightmares are best when they wake you up in a cold sweat, yr heart is beating hard and fast and yr scared shitless, but you don't know why. It's a real exhilerating. I want to have something like that to make me remember I'm alive and I'm human and I can feel pain. Right now I'm pretty numb. I feel things, but they're not the passionate emotions I once felt. All I feel is a dull tingling now.

Here are some poems I wrote under the influence of some mind-altering substances:

bebebecome be nothing fall puke grow fail succeed fall down down plant
grow
green flower leaves grass grow down roots grow down and I am leaves
leaves
of grass gree grass meadow wild mountain thyme streching out forever
forever
and never and these leaves streaching forever and these forever leaves
streching growing up and down down down and down and up and sinking but
being uplifted embracing and embrace and these thing just mean things
and
they don't mean anything coughing rolling smoking high on fire burning
melting the ice of hell and never again burning setting aflame the
effigies
of fascism and growing and learning and burning and flags stars and
stripes
burnig molotov cocktail through the window of the police presinct and
rolling and toking and free free free freedom no more chains free and
free
and free and rolling and tripping and toking and gone just gone just
getting
gone no where I am scenery and I am never alone but there is only me and
I
am freedom and I am ANARCHY ANARCHY ANARCHY I can't stop saying that
word it
sounds so good it is the warmth in my heart in the coldest hell and the
more
I live the more I grow the more I become ANARCHY and the more I embrace
it
and allow it to embrace me allow ANARCHY to embrace me and let my heart
beat
ans just be and don't break down just keep going like human machines
like
MAxim GOrkey and like everything I despise in life like capitalism and
greed
and individualism and hate and everything I've pirged from my life and
pirged from my throat and puking and falling and drowning and choking on
my
own vomit and drowning and puking and choking on my own vomit and
drowning
in the toilet and pirging myself of the white devil's disease that was
bred
into me and crass and other things but left and leaving and puking out
capitalism and flushing it down the toilet and growing green and rolling
and
tripping and toking and being and becoming and growing into me growing
into
ANARCHY and me and I am learning and growing green and it's only because
I'm
greener that green and elsothic or that is who I am and I am me and I am

ANARCHY!


stars
burning
stars
like diamonds in the fucking sky
sometimes crashing down
and sometimes just staying up there
and fucking the sky
black tar paper with cheap little rhinestones
A set for a broken television show
But broken and unchained
BLemished and dirty
Dirtier than even me
SPace is so full of dirt
and I don;t care anymore
You said you left me alone to think
and I thought and I thought you were just leaving me alone
But you were there and so was I
at least I think It was me
or someone who looked like me
ans as the sun creeps up over the horizon
and you ask for whom does the sky bleed?
and it bleeds for thee
and for whom does the sky weep>
it weeps for thee
and I'm going somewhere to set my consciousness down
Then I'll breathe untill its time to pick it back up
and drink life
Don't you just love the air?
Doesn't it just make you feel good all over?

*Feeling Good*

Do you think when the world is perfect we'll all feel good all the time
After the revolution or something
Do you think we'll ever feel alright
Do you ever just sit back and say, "Damn I'm feeling good"
I want to see things that you don't see
Do you ever see things that aren't really there
I want to see bearded men kissing bearded men on every corner of the street
I know there's got to be a day when things will be okay
Everyone's been talking about it so it must exist on some level
I think I'm happy just being alive
I think I'm happy just having good times
I woke up a couple of days ago just enjoying life
I don't think it's time to quit
I don't think it's time to quit anything quite yet

WHEN GOOD GAYS GO BAD: RITA "BO" BROWN THE GENTLEMAN BANK ROBBER

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