If yr heart is large enough there is nothing it will not accomodate.
- Sufi proverb

I went to a show at the av space last night. It wierd, quiet. I had the poisonous seeds in my belly and was feeling in rare form. I had to gather my wits in the car. Then I got all too drunk and drove my self home without saying goodbye to anyone. Lately social interactions have been leaving me disappointed and discouraged. In the past I used to live for them. I used to think that my life would be okay if I just had enough friends. I guess it's hard to like other people when you don't even like yrself. I mean, it's not that I hate other people, it's just that I feel way too much pressure around them. I don't feel like I can ever be myself. Not necessarily that I have to be cool, but I at least have to be interesting. The last thing I want is to be boring. Anyway, I think I might go to this show: Dr. Hamburger Presents: Pit Er Pat [ Chicago, Illinois], White/Lichens, Science vs Witchcraft Sat May 5th 9PM - $7 at av space but I don't know if anyone else is planning on going. I don't know if I'll have fun, but it's something to do and the music seems cool. Why doesn't anyone have fun anymore? Is it because of the PATRIOT ACT? Is it because now we're all scared?

the magic members of the sacred trust

let a machine tell you what to think

I think tomorrow morning I'll get some glory. I hope the government isn't reading my thoughts. RIP Kurt.

drinking coffee. up all night. no phone calls, no emails.

Sat. June 9th, 9pm: Charalambides and GHQ with Auger at Soundlab

I'm afraid to look in the mirror
Who is that in there?
I'm afraid to go outside
Who's out there?
It's late.

my tomb is warm. note the method. all things must be done with method: I love my Jesus quite alone.
The Bride, the Bridegroom of my spirit;
No others shall my heart, no, none,
Through love, through loving more inherit.
No man can do at once for two.
For one’s, for one’s will and for t’others:
Therefore I’ll leave all others.

The magnet needle erring goes,
When from, when from the pole distracted.
And take before quite no repose,
Till he, till he has her attracted.
And since my heart with Thy love dart
Is touched, is touched by its flaming ether,
Therefore, they haste together.

And though Thou art like the north star
In Heav…in Heaven altified
And I on earth so distant far
I’ll fol…I’ll follow undenied.
Still Thee my Light, and my eyesight.
Shall still, shall still be turned to Thee,
From every place, and woo Thee.

the path was lit even in the shadow of death. it's starting to heat up. We are fishers of men.

Saw David Lynch's Inland Empire today. I enjoyed it, although at some times it got to be a little much, especially when he would repeat the same image over and over. But I liked how he played my emotions like a piano. Coming up Auger shows: Saturday, June 9, 9pm Charalambides, GHQ Soundlab
Monday June 18th with EAMES ERA and JU-JAJUBA at Bug Jar possibly????

gotta get up get out get something they will go on within without you their presence is yr absence you are a ghost vanishing in the light that is reflected off the dust she is what before the loved called object of affected wandering in this fog the haze of the dusty light called upon from trees teach me oh teacher i want to learn your secret truths will you decode the message of infinity.
ok, enough piety. god has enough praise. one more voice won't make a difference. you think yr so big but yr little. individuality is the lens through which we see the continuum of existence. back to basics. clean the apartment. the ants are taking over. don't be so lazy and don't drink so much. don't wish for that which is not there. only dream, but do not long. in dreams anything is possible. in longing the only outcome can be despair. talk to others. connect with others. that is the true meaning. do not cease being human until the time comes. imperfection is beautiful, but perfection is ecstacy. in the end the potent magic will powder the room in rose scented dust. the trance will help along the way. trust it and do not fight. in all you do remember god, but do not think of god too much lest you become a tyrant. dwell on heaven, never hell. never labor for the sulfur and ash. it is useless and pointless knowlege. have love in yr heart every minute of the day.
do not be afraid to giggle and be silly when it is necessary.
i like walking in the rain. in the city walking is utilitarian. i used to go for walks in the woods. i never liked hunting season. have love in yr heart every minute. if you feel you must kill have love while yr killing. all things are natural. all things are necessary. most of what is necessary does not get done and thus time repeats itself. the cia is reading the communiques. no need to worry, government. i'm just a lonely voice crying out for help. like a million other lonely voices out there. in the shower you are made new. all the olds cells are dying. the fresh flesh is surfacing. a new day arises. get up and pay the bills. clean the house. don't sleep all day. i do nothing wrong, yet the government is reading my thoughts.

lessons from the sardine dance: do not be afraid to get close and show emotion. even though it comes in disguises, love exists and the love of god is all around. fear drives us apart. fear of lonliness is what is driving us apart. strangers are people just like us. we may not know their stories yet, but rest assured there is a story to tell. during the prayer my mind felt like this: <<<<---*--*--*--*###*--*--*--*--->>>> the religion of six. the first six steps on the grand stairway. the first six branches on the tree of life. a crowd gathers around themselves and begins to worship themselves. a tree grows out of the sand. who will water and what fruit will it bear. i'm just plump and understanding.
inland empire is finally at the little