My life is in a downward spiral. I think it's the fever that's making me lonely and introspective... and maybe a little depressed. Here's a poem I wrote about the alternative:

*Last Communique to Society*

The world is cruel and the world is not us
The world could never satisfy our needs
No more waiting for heaven
We've always had the option to leave
This is what happens when you stop chasing the Amerikan dream
Because that's not the dream you want
We want to drop our coins in a vending machine and choose our own muther fucking dream
we want to go backwards in time
We want to break every rule and then break them all again
Because this isn't working for me
i don't know about you
just me
And I can never call this freedom

Reality, or at least I guess that's what most people call it, finally hit. Today I realized that walking around in a drug frenzy all the time never knowing what's going on doesn't rid you of the shitty things in life, it only alleviates them for a time. I've been sick with some sort of viral infection for a week, high on Dextromethorphan, Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, Pseudoephedrine, Doxylamine Succinate, Guaifenesin and my good old stand by Tetrahydrocannabinol the whole time. I got my car broken into. I am completely broke. I've missed a lot of work. I'm behind in college. But still, I'm not breaking down like I would have if I was at the emotional stage I was probably less than a year ago. I think I'm finally starting to realize the Amerikan experience. This is what it's like to live in Amerika today. It sucks and most of it is due to fascist authority, but it still can be what you make it if you live life passionately. I'm going to film class now because it's fun. All we do is watch films.

On Saturday my car was broken into outside of the Water St. Music Hall. It was pretty crazy. I've never been the victim of crime before, so this was definately a new experience for me. Even though it's going to be a real pain in ass getting everything sorted out, trying to find money to pay for it and lamenting over the irreplacable items that had sentimental value, I'm not real upset about it. Life goes on just as it did before. I think I've come to realize that possessions are fleeting. Easy come, easy go. So I don't miss them because what's the point in missing them. Possessions don't have personalities. You can't call them when yr feeling down. I'm glad I had my friends there to help me through it because I realized that it's relationships with people, not material possessions that are important.

http://www.claykeck.com/patty/