The message doesn't withstand prejudice. I understand the growing concern. I think these cryptic metaphors can be overcome. The queen is holed up in her castle. A tower so thick and stubborn rises from the molded clay. They mix with iron at the golem's feet. We are born into judicial decadence. Where do the limited resources get funnelled? What is it and what does it mean? Where did she go, what will she do? Where will I go, what will I do? Does anything mean anything anymore? Why so much nonsense when I find it all quite serious. I've got to get to work. Got to get up and clean the house. Sweep and mop. Make the bed. Be good to the children and they will bless your house. The knobs lock at the intersections. Where will the wind make us steer? Why don't we have any choice? I want to choose and I don't want to fight. I want to make my message clear. I want to shout at the sick herd walking into darkness: COME OUT AND FEEL THE LIGHT! I feel the blade of love in my heart. I want to share my pain with the world. I want to make everyone feel the blade like I've felt so deep for so long. The sadness of god's lowliest creature makes me weep with fevered pity. I would serve them all with fervent zealotry if my time were not extinguished like Rip Van Winkle. When the world of the future comes to know my name then we will see how late it's become in history. How the sands of time are moving away in a cold blue shift. Maybe the knobs will lock again and the heading will be misunderstood. Accept my love and I will give it all away. I will keep none for myself. I am a servant of my own soul. I am a ghost in living flesh. Wake me up with the morning's lamentations. I will plant flowers in my eyes. The roots will make my corneas fertile. The tactile addiction clears. I no longer need touch. Now only light will burn my skin.

Joey has laughed but never shown the tearsSo she may laugh in the autumn of your yearsWhen you're with her I wonder if it's trueAll that they said of a world without youWhere she may come from, where she may goWho she may run from, noone will knowWhy she was late may trouble you someStill you wait for Joey to come

On a dark night, Kindled in love with yearnings
-- oh, happy chance! --
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.
In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised
-- oh, happy chance! --
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest.
In the happy night,
In secret, when none saw me,
Nor I beheld aught,
Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.
This light guided me
More surely than the light of noonday,
To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me
-- A place where none appeared.
Oh, night that guided me,
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,
Lover transformed in the Beloved!
Upon my flowery breast,
Kept wholly for himself alone,
There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him,
And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.
The breeze blew from the turret
As I parted his locks;
With his gentle hand he wounded my neck
And caused all my senses to be suspended.
I remained, lost in oblivion;
My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,
Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

Soundlab:
Saturday, March 17, 9pm, $10
Akron/Family
w/ Auger

This movie's gonna be out soon

YOU left me, sweet, two legacies,—
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

Emily Dickinson (1830–86).

poison

Crispin Glover came to the Eastman house today promoting his film What Is It and his Slide SHow. I was gonna go, but I ended up sleeping all day.