You see, sometimes we have to slow things down. Sometimes we have to speed things up. That's the way life works. I've been trying to take it slow, but it all seems so fast. I don't know what the nature of these changes are, all I know is that they're happening. Did you ever have a lucid dream? I did a few nights ago. I remember what it was about too. I was carrying a dead body along with a few other people dressed in trench coats. At one point I opened my eyes. Was I awake? I closed them again and the dream continued. I could do anything I wanted, but I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to just let the dream take me away with it, but it wouldn't take me. It wanted me to take it. I don't know what dreams mean usually. I'm sure they mean something, though. Dreaming seems like too important a function of the human brain for it to be meaningless. I don't have all the philosophical answers yet. What I mean is, I don't know what I believe... or if I believe anything. I still want to have a good nightmare like I used to. It's been a while. Nightmares are best when they wake you up in a cold sweat, yr heart is beating hard and fast and yr scared shitless, but you don't know why. It's a real exhilerating. I want to have something like that to make me remember I'm alive and I'm human and I can feel pain. Right now I'm pretty numb. I feel things, but they're not the passionate emotions I once felt. All I feel is a dull tingling now.