I'm pathetic. I just can't let myself walk away.

So last night I got hit on twice. The first girl was really drunk and the second was like 14... not interested, but it's flattering anyway. Maybe being single won't be so bad.

Ok, so here's the news that I was going to say before. Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety is the soundtrack to a movie called Meridian by Josh Strauss. He has copies. If you come to the show on April 26th he'll probably have copies of it. Also, we're talking about doing a screening.

Second, I'm trying to get a show in Brockport with me, Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs and The June Observer. It's still in the works. Also, Forgotten Figures and I are going to do a split and we're going to cover each other's songs. That will get on it's way after the split with the Jesse Ames Experience is done which should be soon, but it hasn't happened yet because I'm a procrastinator.

I think that's all I have to say for now. Oh, someone told me to tell everyone I know to go to a show at Rocket Coffee this Saturday at 9pm so, yeah, do it. I forgot the names of the bands. I know one is the Grievants and the other is something with the word 'penny' in it I think. The latter is pretty good. I've seen them a couple of times. Too bad I can't remember their name.

There's a lot of stuff going on that I'd like to talk about but I don't really feel like it. There's some stuff with Forgotten Figures and my music in a movie and crazyness. The rally last night and the first show at the new FNB space. Um, I'm single now. Again.

I wrote a poem and it's on a website.

Help me write my setlist:

So, there's a few things I'd like to say. I'm making a tape full of noise rock. I'm not going to promote it a whole lot. I'm pretty much just doing it for myself, but if you see me and you want a copy just ask. I'd be more than happy to give it to some people to accompany their altered states of consciousness or otherwise.

Last night I was feeling really wounded. John Lennon said, "one thing you can't hide is when yr crippled inside," but I seem to have been able to hide it pretty well. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like no one loves me.

I'm so confused. My head hurts and I'm nauseus. Can it be because I'm confused? Did you ever get where you were on top of the world one day and then on the bottom the next. I don't know. I have to go.

So last night I had a great night. Friday was good too, but not as good as last night. Anyway, I hope I dream tonite.

So I don't know if I already said this, but on Saturday, April 26th I'm playing at show at Rocket Coffee (Monroe Ave. Rochester - near Krudco, Atomic Eggplant, Abundance Coop) at 9pm. I'm not sure who else is playing yet and I'm not sure what the cover will be (probably no more than a $5 donation). I think it's a benefit for Rochester Anti-Racist Action, but I'm not sure of that either. When I get more information I'll post it here.

Finally, I'm going to try and do a split CD-R with the Jesse Ames Experience. I wrote three new songs and I guess Jesse has three new ones too so I think a split's a cool idea.

Well, that's it for now. Like I said, I hope I dream.

PS: listen to Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs if you get the chance. They're off the hook.

PPS: "Where's yr friend Becky, dude. I want to go home." -p

Not really a lot to say, but I wasted all this time trying to get online so I might as well make the most of it. First of all, it's late and I'm kinda tired. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. It's not because I'm insomniac these days or anything (although I have been in the past). It's just that my schedule hasn't allowed me much time for sleep. Anyway, right now I'm sitting here at the computer having just finished my homework and I'm pondering tomorrow. I'm going through all these plans, schemes, for tricking myself into having a good time. That's what it's come down to these days, tricking myself into having a good time. If I think I'm having a good time, then usually I'm not and when I'm think I'm going to have a good time I almost always don't. What that means is that tomorrow I'm going to a show at 99 Custer St. and I'm going to enjoy it, but not by choice. I'll be forced to enjoy it by factors external to me. I think that was about the most meaningless thing I've ever said, but it makes me sound smart. I've never tried to hide the fact that I only pretend to be smart. It doesn't stop me from pretending though. So here in the computer room I feel so alone. I feel isolated because I'm trying to get this message across to millions of people, but no one seems to be listening. The message is: WAR IS STUPID. But that's not the only message. Love is the answer, that's a good one. I'm in love right now. I don't know why I know that, but I just do. Too bad she doesn't know she is. I sometimes think she is and she's just fooling herself and then I think that she isn't and she's fooling herself. Usually it just boils down to: I'm a fool. The best part about being in love is the longing. I love missing people. I know that somewhere out there there's someone that I'd just love to be with more than anyone and maybe that person feels similar in some sort of way. I don't really need to count on that though. I have my own feelings. I know what they are. What others feel is irrelevant. They're only actors in my dream... and it's MY DREAM!!! So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to play the part of a DIY Revolutionary. I'll pretend to be some depressed artist or something, but really what I'll be reflecting is the emptyness of my soul. I don't mean that in a pretensious arty sense. I mean it in a very literal sense. What I mean is that there really is nothing in me that's worth the body it's been given. Sometimes I think that I transcend this body, but it doesn't really matter. I am beautiful, but not by choice. If I had my choice I'd be the most hideous person on the planet. I think that most people want to be ugly. That's why there are so many anorexics. It's not a media-constructed beauty myth. It's a socially-constructed ugly myth. What it means is that the uglyer you are, the more excuses you can make for yrself. Well guess what! I'm beautiful and I have no excuse for not acting beautiful! No more pretenses. We're all rotting cadavers inside.

"Revolutionaries are cuter in thrift store threads."
- p & c

ps: don't go to the brown bean

soundtrack (v 2.0):
Jawbox - For Your Own Special Sweetheart
Bob Dylan - Time Out Of Mind
V/A - Follow And Believe (A FNB Benefit Comp)
The Promise Ring - 30 degrees Everywhere
Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs - demo
Last Days of April - Angel Youth


I'm kinda excited about the show at Custer St. on Friday, but I'm more excited about seeing my lover on Saturday. Go figure.

101 Ways To Stop The War In Iraq

I shouldn't be this happy but I am.

So here's what happened Friday...
We got to the Brown Bean and the guy said that I wasn't scheduled to play. I didn't think there was any point in arguing with him so I just left. Strauss and Casey (aka: Forgotten Figures Falling Together Between Two Twigs) asked me if I wanted to play in the Gazebo in the little square across from the Brown Bean so I said I was into it so we did. We traded off every other song in case we got shut down by the fuzz. It was probably one of the crazyest shows I've ever been a part of. Forgotten Figures tore the place up with their situationism and I played a couple of songs that sounded really bad because my fingers were numb and I forgot most of the words. Yay!

So I tried to post this poem earlier but there was something wrong with the site again. Here it is now.

*Onion Skin*

Dissect the layers
Inch by inch
Hydrosphere and Biosphere
Penetrate the flesh
Dominate every hemisphere
Become the cheshire cat pirched on a mountain of mustard grains
You need to grow wings
You really should try to grow wings

A long winter's journey into the darkness of a springtime in remission
I'm looking forward to the rain
Maybe the warm air will send yr heart back to me in an envelope marked, "what it is to be a pair of dispossessed eyes ... and what they saw"
But for now I'll just feel sorry for myself and know that yr not thinking about me
Even though yr always in my mind
An apparition for my thoughts
The subliminal poetry written in the first letter of each page of a 1000 page volume growing dusty and with a sandpaper cover destroying all the other knowlege on the shelf

I didn't want you to leave the car tonite
There's something symbolic of yr leaving
And when you call me tomorrow you won't be the same person

And all I could ask was, "why"
Isn't that the hardest question?
Who, what, where, when, how
Those questions deal with truth
But why is always subjective

I'm going to see the River Man
I'll tell him everything
Then he'll hit my skull
And attach a tube to my forehead
To suck out the leech that troubles my mind
When he dangles it in front of my eyes I'll squirm
But not as much as I am now that it's still inside of me

Ok, so it's the day before the show and here's some new information. I'm playing at 8pm (not 9 like I originally thought) and will be followed by John Smit at 9... or at least that's how I understand it. So once again, here's the info:

Hastheboyfallen
John Smit
Brown Bean - Fredonia, NY
Friday, Feb. 28
8-10(?)

I think that's the deal. Anyway, just be there at 8 or a little before.

Ok, so here's the news. I'll have copies of Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety available on a voluntary donation basis at the show on Friday. Six Degrees is my new full length. It's 12 songs, about 47 min. of music. Come to the show if you know what's good for ya. Hopefully, I'll have copies of Besar o no Besar as well, but i'm not promising anything at this point.

I wrote a whole bunch of stuff, but there was a malfunction and it didn't post. anyway, now i have to go to work and i don't have time to write it again.

It's confirmed. Next Friday I'm playing in Fredonia at the Brown Bean. Once again, that's Friday, the 28th of February from 9-10:30 at the Brown Bean in Fredonia, NY. Be there or be dumb.