prozac spotlight
mind freedom
madpride
cognative liberty
Saturday, April 26, 2008
rainy monday i feel the blues
i tried to rectify
but my efforts were to no avail
i tried to quantify
but i only found infinity
i'm sorry to say, i've been treated cruelly and unfairly
by doctors and counselors
who put me on 7 medications
i'm a problem for the healthcare system
why get help if you don't need it
i tried to rectify
but my efforts were to no avail
i tried to quantify
but i only found infinity
i'm sorry to say, i've been treated cruelly and unfairly
by doctors and counselors
who put me on 7 medications
i'm a problem for the healthcare system
why get help if you don't need it
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I cant believe the accidents i've seen
there was terror in the air
i felt it, everybody felt it
It was cold and we're standing around in the cold
Something has to start something
but nothing comes
only the vampires of seduction
and they drink all our blood
but other wise i'm fine
You won't believe this because I just started talking about it
when i was nine the babysitter drank my blood
so ive been a vampire the whole time!
hahahahah!!!!!
You fools, you must have been really dumb
Now you can live forever
Isn't that a beautiful thing
alright lets get away from vampires and hell
the weather is nice
the sun is shining
It's a nice day
You should go for a walk
Make sure you remember your wallet, keys, cell phone and shoes
there was terror in the air
i felt it, everybody felt it
It was cold and we're standing around in the cold
Something has to start something
but nothing comes
only the vampires of seduction
and they drink all our blood
but other wise i'm fine
You won't believe this because I just started talking about it
when i was nine the babysitter drank my blood
so ive been a vampire the whole time!
hahahahah!!!!!
You fools, you must have been really dumb
Now you can live forever
Isn't that a beautiful thing
alright lets get away from vampires and hell
the weather is nice
the sun is shining
It's a nice day
You should go for a walk
Make sure you remember your wallet, keys, cell phone and shoes
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I was treating the lamb like an animal
I led him up the mountain where the water opened up and the sky got dark
our memories were reversed. we thought the past was the future
nobody noticed. i heard feedback
don't give up, we can come together
get yr halo up from around yr ankles
come on and don't stare into the water
narcisisim is a crying shame
wake up stink holes
I led him up the mountain where the water opened up and the sky got dark
our memories were reversed. we thought the past was the future
nobody noticed. i heard feedback
don't give up, we can come together
get yr halo up from around yr ankles
come on and don't stare into the water
narcisisim is a crying shame
wake up stink holes
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
I'm going to be institutionalized again
I just can't seem to get it right
At least it's only ten days
Sheep in Fog
The hills step off into whiteness.
People or stars
Regard me sadly, I disappoint them.
The train leaves a line of breath.
O slow
Horse the colour of rust,
Hooves, dolorous bells -
All morning the
Morning has been blackening,
A flower left out.
My bones hold a stillness, the far
Fields melt my heart.
They threaten
To let me through to a heaven
Starless and fatherless, a dark water.
-sylvia plath
How did you get away?
You were the pet falcon of an old woman.
Did you hear the falcon-drum?
You were a drunken songbird put in with owls.
Did you smell the odor of a garden?
You got tired of sour fermenting
and left the tavern.
You went like an arrow to the target
from the bow of time and place.
The man who stays at the cemetery pointed the way,
but you didn't go.
You became light and gave up wanting to be famous.
You don't worry about what you're going to eat,
so why buy an engraved belt?
I've heard of living at the center, but what about
leaving the center of the center?
Flying toward thankfulness, you become
the rare bird with one wing made of fear,
and one of hope. In autumn,
a rose crawling along the ground in the cold wind.
Rain on the roof runs down and out by the spout
as fast as it can.
Talking is pain. Lie down and rest,
now that you've found a friend to be with.
-Rumi
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Please hold me. the square scorns the circle in the night. now the knives hover above the head. a square in a round box. what tools you needed. i think i have them. what work youre doing. i think i'm doing it. we haven't spoke in a while. what's the news. how've you been. take care. think of me often. don't let me slip slip away. come back and say hello. sorry to let myself slip slip away. i didn't mean for it to get like this. go on to the window. watch the carrages drawn by the equine elite. nothing is too good for you . don't let me slip slip away. don't let me be a casualty. your ghost is here always. i'm always seeing yr ghost. i'm not afraid, but it doesn't keep me company like you do. it's always so cold and when i get cold i tremble like an aspen leaf. making a wonderful swishing sound in the wind. got to get out of the box. don't let me slip slip away. i'm coming down fast. i hit the ground hard. hard to get back up. who are you. where are you going. who were you. i'm sorry to say i never knew you before. but i knew you. and once i loved you i couldn't start to hate you. now watch the window. do you see my ghost. i'm alone. i'm just one spirit in the puzzle universe. questions lead me here. i'm not here. i'm alone.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Noah and the Faeries
Noah was naked and drunk in the bushes. His specticals being broken, he naturally saw some faeries bussing around his head. "Will you take me away to your heavenly kingdom?" he asked. Some said yes; some said no. Discouraged, he began to masturbate to ease the pain. The faeries were very curious about this act. Faeries don't have genitals, you see. They thought he was having a seizure as he came. The trees wept sticky tears of sap. The whole hedgerow burst out in laughter and some of the shrubs even caught fire. Noah had made a fool out of himself in front of mother nature. Meanwhile the faeries were shape-shifting into sdquirrels and frogs and departing, on their way somewhere in a hurry.
Get along little piggies
Just try to get alone.
Noah was naked and drunk in the bushes. His specticals being broken, he naturally saw some faeries bussing around his head. "Will you take me away to your heavenly kingdom?" he asked. Some said yes; some said no. Discouraged, he began to masturbate to ease the pain. The faeries were very curious about this act. Faeries don't have genitals, you see. They thought he was having a seizure as he came. The trees wept sticky tears of sap. The whole hedgerow burst out in laughter and some of the shrubs even caught fire. Noah had made a fool out of himself in front of mother nature. Meanwhile the faeries were shape-shifting into sdquirrels and frogs and departing, on their way somewhere in a hurry.
Get along little piggies
Just try to get alone.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Ordinary Things
She was pulling her own teeth out in the café where I was eating. Some of the other patrons were bothered by it, but I was not afraid. I just kept masticating my grilled cheese and imbibing a sizeable amount of black coffee. The food was not especially good, but I was particularly hungry on that day.
I had come in to the place to get out of the rain. It had been raining for three days straight. I missed the bus I needed to get on by a few seconds so I became stranded downtown. Like a lost child I wandered the streets in a search for somewhere dry. So I stepped into the St. Ambrose Café and ordered some things from the menu. Luckily I had a ten dollar bill burning a hole in my pocket that day.
It wasn’t until I sat down that I realized how hungry I actually was. When they brought my grilled cheese out to me I started eating manically. I did look up from my plate for several seconds, but when I did there she was pulling out her teeth.
After that I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was a beautiful girl with long, wavy, black hair and a fascinating face. Why was she pulling her teeth? Was this some nervous habit?
The manager of the café kept yelling at her saying that she had better clean up the blood because it wasn’t sanitary for someone to be doing dental surgery in a restaurant. She acted as though he didn’t exist.
When the last tooth had been pulled she walked out of the place leaving behind a pool of blood and about twenty shiny teeth.
I felt compelled to follow her. I left behind a half a grilled sandwich and an empty coffee mug. I flung the doors of the café open and started chasing the girl down the street. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I actually caught up to her. Here is what I did say.
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Her: Same thing as you I guess [sounding like there was cotton in her mouth].
Me: What was going on in the café back there?
Her: Oh, I read somewhere in the bible that if a part of your body is stumbling you, you should cut it off. It’s lent you see and I’ve given up chewing as my penance. Would you like to come over to my place and read the bible with me?
Me: It’s not something I normally do, but I guess, why not?
Her studio apartment was only a few blocks away. When I stepped in I immediately smelled a smell like a skunk’s spray. There were little piles of dirty clothes everywhere. Some of them had blood on the, some of them didn’t.
“I’m an artist, you see. My life is my masterpiece. You can’t get to the moon with teeth, just like how you can’t stop yourself from peeing in a public swimming pool,” she said.
“Hey, do you want to listen to a record?” She had taken off her shirt.
I asked her if she had any Iron Butterfly records. She didn’t, but she did have the Soft Machine. “That sounds good then,” I replied.
We sat still, staring at each other for hours. We listened to Woody Guthrie, Syd Barrett and Donavan. Finally she pulled out a joint and said, “Do you want to smoke?” I told her I did, but I had better get going soon.
“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” I thought that reply to be very strange.
So after achieving intoxication I said goodbye and went back out into the streets. Everything seemed slanted to me. Cities usually a built to go up and down, vertical, but this city seemed full of acute and obtuse angles. The rain had let up and I was feeling optimistic. I managed to find another bus to catch that would bring me close to home, but it wouldn’t arrive for another half an hour.
I killed time talking to a homeless man with a harmonica. He told me tall tales: “When I used to own the Empire State Building I was something of a man. Then my spirit broke like glass and I became the shattered image that you see before you now.”
I told him he looked good with a long beard and his tattered clothes weren’t too bad of a fashion statement either. There are lots of kids who pay big bucks for a look like that.
Him: Well, I left all those superficial things behind. Now I’m home free as they say. No more worries. I don’t even as for change. [He blew a few notes on his harmonica] You don’t have any change do you?
Me: No, I haven’t changed in a while. I’m still who I was a few years ago.
Him: Me, I’ve made big changes. I used to be the captain of a great big clipper ship. I had underlings and everything. Now I’m just underneath. I’m like a worm in the ground now.
Me: I know what you mean. Well, here comes my bus. It was nice talking to you.
The bus driver looked like she wasn’t having a very good day, so I decided not to say ‘hi.’ My temporary companions on the bus had colorful faces. One man was green, another blue. A twelve year old girl was orange. What looked like her mother was all white. Another woman was all purple. It was a most interesting crowd visually. I wondered if they were all from the circus.
When I got home I found my cat lying dead on the kitchen floor. He had gotten into one of the poison traps I had set for ants. I cried a single tear and put the cadaver in the freezer.
That night I watched four movies in a row stopping only to get a beer from the fridge from time to time. I didn’t sleep until 3am. While I was sleeping I had a dream about the beach and the girl with the bloody, toothless mouth.
She was pulling her own teeth out in the café where I was eating. Some of the other patrons were bothered by it, but I was not afraid. I just kept masticating my grilled cheese and imbibing a sizeable amount of black coffee. The food was not especially good, but I was particularly hungry on that day.
I had come in to the place to get out of the rain. It had been raining for three days straight. I missed the bus I needed to get on by a few seconds so I became stranded downtown. Like a lost child I wandered the streets in a search for somewhere dry. So I stepped into the St. Ambrose Café and ordered some things from the menu. Luckily I had a ten dollar bill burning a hole in my pocket that day.
It wasn’t until I sat down that I realized how hungry I actually was. When they brought my grilled cheese out to me I started eating manically. I did look up from my plate for several seconds, but when I did there she was pulling out her teeth.
After that I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was a beautiful girl with long, wavy, black hair and a fascinating face. Why was she pulling her teeth? Was this some nervous habit?
The manager of the café kept yelling at her saying that she had better clean up the blood because it wasn’t sanitary for someone to be doing dental surgery in a restaurant. She acted as though he didn’t exist.
When the last tooth had been pulled she walked out of the place leaving behind a pool of blood and about twenty shiny teeth.
I felt compelled to follow her. I left behind a half a grilled sandwich and an empty coffee mug. I flung the doors of the café open and started chasing the girl down the street. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I actually caught up to her. Here is what I did say.
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Her: Same thing as you I guess [sounding like there was cotton in her mouth].
Me: What was going on in the café back there?
Her: Oh, I read somewhere in the bible that if a part of your body is stumbling you, you should cut it off. It’s lent you see and I’ve given up chewing as my penance. Would you like to come over to my place and read the bible with me?
Me: It’s not something I normally do, but I guess, why not?
Her studio apartment was only a few blocks away. When I stepped in I immediately smelled a smell like a skunk’s spray. There were little piles of dirty clothes everywhere. Some of them had blood on the, some of them didn’t.
“I’m an artist, you see. My life is my masterpiece. You can’t get to the moon with teeth, just like how you can’t stop yourself from peeing in a public swimming pool,” she said.
“Hey, do you want to listen to a record?” She had taken off her shirt.
I asked her if she had any Iron Butterfly records. She didn’t, but she did have the Soft Machine. “That sounds good then,” I replied.
We sat still, staring at each other for hours. We listened to Woody Guthrie, Syd Barrett and Donavan. Finally she pulled out a joint and said, “Do you want to smoke?” I told her I did, but I had better get going soon.
“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” I thought that reply to be very strange.
So after achieving intoxication I said goodbye and went back out into the streets. Everything seemed slanted to me. Cities usually a built to go up and down, vertical, but this city seemed full of acute and obtuse angles. The rain had let up and I was feeling optimistic. I managed to find another bus to catch that would bring me close to home, but it wouldn’t arrive for another half an hour.
I killed time talking to a homeless man with a harmonica. He told me tall tales: “When I used to own the Empire State Building I was something of a man. Then my spirit broke like glass and I became the shattered image that you see before you now.”
I told him he looked good with a long beard and his tattered clothes weren’t too bad of a fashion statement either. There are lots of kids who pay big bucks for a look like that.
Him: Well, I left all those superficial things behind. Now I’m home free as they say. No more worries. I don’t even as for change. [He blew a few notes on his harmonica] You don’t have any change do you?
Me: No, I haven’t changed in a while. I’m still who I was a few years ago.
Him: Me, I’ve made big changes. I used to be the captain of a great big clipper ship. I had underlings and everything. Now I’m just underneath. I’m like a worm in the ground now.
Me: I know what you mean. Well, here comes my bus. It was nice talking to you.
The bus driver looked like she wasn’t having a very good day, so I decided not to say ‘hi.’ My temporary companions on the bus had colorful faces. One man was green, another blue. A twelve year old girl was orange. What looked like her mother was all white. Another woman was all purple. It was a most interesting crowd visually. I wondered if they were all from the circus.
When I got home I found my cat lying dead on the kitchen floor. He had gotten into one of the poison traps I had set for ants. I cried a single tear and put the cadaver in the freezer.
That night I watched four movies in a row stopping only to get a beer from the fridge from time to time. I didn’t sleep until 3am. While I was sleeping I had a dream about the beach and the girl with the bloody, toothless mouth.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
-rumi
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
-rumi
gale force winds berate me. dead lovers ride with enormous dead love. the sound quickens sounding the sirens in the jails. human love stands by. ugly love makes lip contact. remember spartacus and his legions of lovers. remember che's motorcycle lovers. the clouds love the sky, but the sky loves the night. will they ever wetly dream. what space and what multitude ! of stars the reason broke, a slave within a star dreamers dreamins sweetly. wahat sweetness? of honey? of wine? of roses! where the plank broke. the diviners did encircle the star. now the shadows eat the street. now the sky betrays the clouds. no one willl sit upon them. will you? the heavens and the angels fell. now full with mystic smog. hava nagila mahalo. grass pours green pigment on white robes. and im washing these robes. and im forgetting better days remembering only the nightmre days. mahalo. wind sweeps fresh like honey? like wine? dust of stars will see her revenge.
again lazy in sister kingdom. rascal memery fights. out with the ebb. now where dogs flow. upstream dream of dirty dancing summers. wow down like fellow. this discouraged fellowship. a background dream. calls on thee machine where pieces go. in the ebb and flow. gray ghost creeper swallow my malcontent. graceful ghoul behaving in shadow. behaviors disintegrating. my noise for this soundtrack. tapes follow unweb fashions. wearing whit wearing white. songs drown in the chatter. hahahahahahahaha a clown spinning spinning. whatt pleasantt charm i wrotea letter i wrote a picture and a picture is 1000 words. noon rising moon. what an awful picture. cigarette burns on my blanket. wait was that a picture. did i see a picture?
Friday, January 25, 2008
The Minotaur's song
By Robin Williamson
Straight from the shoulder
I think like a soldier
I know what's right and what's wrong
He knows what's right and what's wrong.
I'm the original discriminating buffalo man
And I'll do what's wrong as long as I can
He'll do what's wrong as long as he can
I live in a labyrinth under the sea
Down in the dark as dark as can be
I like the dark as dark as can be
He likes the dark as dark as can be
I'll even attack you or eat you whole
Down in the dark my bone mills roll
Porridge for my porridge bowl
Porridge for his porridge bowl
I'm strong as the earth from which I'm born
He's strong as the earth from which he's born
I can't dream well because of my horns
He can't dream well because of his horns
Moo
I'm strong as the earth from which I'm born
He's strong as the earth from which he's born
I can't dream well because of my horns
He can't dream well because of his horns
A minotaur gets very sore
His features they are such a bore
His habits are predicta-bull
Aggressively relia-bull, bull, bull
I'm strong as the earth from which I'm born
He's strong as the earth from which he's born
I can't dream well because of my horns
He can't dream well because of his horns
I'm the original discriminating buffalo man
And I'll do what's wrong as long as I can
He'll do what's wrong as long as he can
