Well, I guess my e-mail is down. I haven't checked it in a while, but I don't think they cancelled my service. I think the server is just down or something. Whatever. Today I had a terribly disconcerting dream. It basically ended with me sleeping in the woods in the middle of winter and calling a land-lord a "fucking bitch." I went to sleep early last night. It was about 11:30 when I passed-out. I woke up at two with that awkward nightmare feeling. I like nighmares because the adrenaline secretion makes it somewhat uncomfortable but also somewhat euphoric. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time. My dreams have been real vivid lately. And they come almost every night now. I haven't dreamed like this since I was a little kid. Good, but it means something's bothering me. Anyway, this morning I wrote the following poems:

*Never Sleep*

I was in a dream drinking 40 oz and a smoking a spliff
When the shit hit the fan and we suddenly had no home
Somehow the nightmare was so real
Like nothing's the same when you don't feel safe
Somehow the world was changed
And it made me use parts of my brain I haven't used in a while
After all these years god hasn't returned any of my calls
I didn't leave you god
You left me
And really how safe can anything be
When yr living life at 90 mph
I guess it's just another worthless workless Wednesday
And tomorrow there's work to do
Something about the way the chords melt into her voice reminds me of someone I once knew
She was beautiful and brilliant
Aloof as me
But hermits never fall in love
And I will never fall in love again
This house's spector visits me
She is friendly and offers me a cup of chamomile to sedate my mental wounds
So I try to close my eyes and see the things the spector is trying to show me
And as much as I'd like to embrace the dream
I have to stay in my own reality
They can't understand the complexities of the steel drum sound
And its echos through this haunted house
All this sexless, loveless impotence only reminds me
Touching my own penis is never quite the same
So maybe I'm confused about what I want
Maybe I do lack direction
But they've never understood me
And they never will
Because I didn't leave god
You left me
And now I'm losing all the phone numbers
The spice of life never tasted quite so bitter
Today was merely a movement in the opium opus
And the nightmare merely a cadence
I love the cat but does he still love me?

*Meridian and the Items to Discuss*

Look at the lonely loser
Cigarettes and coffee won't scare off the demons forever
And television only makes them worse
Where is my Latin Princess
Where is my heart of gold and my land flowing with milk and honey
Can anyone be entitled to anything
Ah the intricacies of sexual frusteration
And mo(u)rning necessary losses
I passed out ahead of schedule today
(I don't sleep anymore, I just pass out)
And now I'm at a loss as to what to do with myself
I want passion when all I have is stagnance
I want sex when all I have is drugs
I want faith when all I have is the critical eye
But haha, the joke's on you
You'll never have me
And goddammit, I am oh so good
Animals sleep but I do not
Is the moon full
I can't see
Yesterday was so bright
The way the sun reflected off the snow
It makes a boy proud to be alive
Because I will never be a man
This is my Never-neverland
So let's never mention it again

*The Sonambulist*

My man walks in his sleep when he's passed-out drunk and pisses on stuff
But we love him and wouldn't trade him for the world
He's never nervous when drunk
And often embarassed when sober
But we love him and hope he'll never be too embarassed to stay
Pass-out on our couch after confusing nights at the bar
Just keep him away from glass
He might bleed
And maybe he drinks a little much
But don't we all in our own little ways
Leave my man alone
If it's wounded let it bleed
And aren't we all bloody and invalids
Infirmed up north and down south
The poles of sense and senselessness
So drink yr beers
Smoke yr bowls
Have yr fun
Because in the end
You'll be done

*La Jota de Mota*

Allow me to savor this puff
And then let the world know I'm here
My clothes smell like ganj
And my breath smells like beer

Allow me to paint with THC
The colors of the mind
Different shades for moods that change with the seasons
What worldly marvels we can find

Allow me to ask the guru these question
Scribbled on a napkin in haste
Do they even have answers
Or was this whole train of thought a waste

Allow me to smoke one more jay
And then we'll see true color
Is it Jah of the Great Spirit
Or is it a lover

I have a feeling today is going to be a productive day