more spontaneous poetry...

i told dr. greenstein i'm already an existentialist
i told him he's got me figured wrong
i told him i'm sick of trying to prove the reality of my beliefs
i told him i'm content to believe in my existance and deny the orthodoxy of reality
i didn't tell him how tired i am
how i've been up countless nights imagining that i'm someone else or that i'm on the moon mining cheese
i've been through rivers of tears and blood or else rivers made of sand as a prop in my television mirage
i can't say if anything's real
there's nothing i really know

i told caitlin that i love her
i don't know if she believes me
but i create my own reality so who's to stop me from loving whomever i want
and i do want to love her
so i make my self sick with doubt and longing
i breathe heavy like an ox ready to strike
i swim in my own in-ground pool filled with self-pity
maybe i'll drown in there some day
but for now it works to plunge me deeper and deeper into hopelessness
the fountain of youth tainted by urine