i've got a new beast and a new study
drifting in the angel night of air
the willow tree beckons
climb me for i am gentle and kind
my my old bear
isn't yr skin rough
my old indian bear
aren't you so thick in yr tissues
and isn't yr hair like wire
and my lifelessness shames me
oh wise sage
tell me of your children
tell me of rivers and all the things that flow
give me gifts of the spirit
take me into the sky
give me new studies and new beasts
open up my breast
to accept the violence of the spirit
let me taste of the blood of life and death
let me eat the sacred flesh
crucify me
tell me secrets i am not allowed to tell
tell me recipes for potions and brews
i am a lifeless wanderer
give me direction
give me a third eye to see
and i will never ask for that which is not for me
i will want only what i am owed
i will not carry unnecessary burdens
i will not harbor the violent things of flesh
but i will accept the ugliness of the spirit
because i will see the beauty of things that have passed

fly away fly away fly away
i stand at the top of the world
having conquered all i'm left with nothing
i drink from the waterfalls
i eat from the mountains
pointing upwards toward heaven
and the heavens' diamonds
a bird flapping wing
sign and signifier
complex of the true angle
33 degrees and a hundred more minutes
next stop Lethe
full speed ahead
the captain's on speed
he mutters again
under his breath
i breath but not of fresh air
the freshness is signified
the spores of summer's allergens
deafened by the spiders
that lay eggs in my ears
the gentle children under the willow tree
the deer in the lawn
the smell of new mown grass
and the hint of autumn's smoke

At Dawn:

The world at dawn
Under the willow tree at dawn
The blacks and whites at dawn
The military at dawn
Bloodletting blood at dawn
Napalm at dawn
Agent orange at dawn
The children at dawn
The mean streets at dawn
Just below heaven at dawn
The dawn of the revolution
The revolutionary at dawn
The dawn of epiphany
The dawn of destruction
The nuclear bomb at dawn
The smoke and ash at dawn
The vaccuum at dawn
The flower bed and herb garden at dawn
Tranquility at dawn
The loud noise at dawn
The dawn of loud noise
The portrait at dawn
The mirror at dawn
The dawn of the image
The kindom at dawn
The dawn of liberty
The freedom of dawn
The clouds at dawn
The men and women at dawn
Peace at dawn
The flesh at dawn
The sleepy human at dawn

(for allen ginsberg)

Top 100 Best Movies of All Time
These are in the order that I thought of them. I figure the ones I think of first are the best ones, but they're mostly unorganized.

Here it goes:
1. Holy Mountain
2. Mullholland Drive
3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
4. The Trip
5. Un Chien Andolou
6. Waking Life
7. The Seventh Seal
8. Easy Rider
9. Tommy
10. The Audition
11. The Passenger
12. Ringu
13. the Night of the Living Dead
14. Juliet of the Spirits
15. Salo
16. Oldboy
17. Kids
18. George Washington
19. Fantastic Planet
20. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
21. Fahrenheit 911
22. The Manson Family
23. Crumb
24. Angelheart
25. The Cremaster Cycle
26. Apocalypse Now
27. Blood for Dracula
28. ZOO
29. the Happiness of the Katakuris
30. the Wizard of Oz
31. Yellow Submarine
32. Fando y Lis
33. Clockwork Orange
34. Spun
35. Viva la Muerte
36. Woodstock
37. More
38. A Scanner Darkly
39. Fight Club
40. Run Lola Run
41. Undertow
42. No Direction Home
43. Brazil
44. Return to Oz
45. Meet the Feebles
46. The Devil's Backbone
47. The Garbage Pail Kids
48. The Dark Backwards
49. Eraserhead
50. Persona
51. The Saddest Music in the World
52. The Science of Sleep
53. El Topo
54. Trainspotting
55. Gummo
56. The Somnambulist
57. Rubin and Ed
58. The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
59. I ♥ Huckabees
60. Dead Man
61. Inland Empire
62. Muppets From Space
63. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
64. The Royal Tennenbaums
65. Monty Python: The Meaning of Life
66. Manson Family Home Movies
67. The Weather Underground
68. Jonestown: The Rise and Fall of the People's Temple
69. Blood Simple
70. Pulp Fiction
71. Down by Law
72. Blade Runner
73. Pink Flamingos
74. Being John Malcovich
75. Naked Lunch
76. Videodrome
77. This is What Democracy Looks Like
78. La Valle
79. American Psycho
80. Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
81. Delicatessan
82. Falling Down
83. The Guernica Tree
84. Repulsion
85. Dr. Strangelove
86. Donnie Darko
87. The Phantom of Liberty
88. Manos: Hands of Fate
89. Carnival of Souls
90. Memento
91. Psycho
92. The Toxic Avenger
93. Taxi Driver
94. Pollock
95. Metropolis
96. Dead Ringers
97. Blue Velvet
98. Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii
99. The Last Temptation of Christ
100. The Life Aquatic

a few of my current favorite songs:


grizzly bear - easier


charles manson and family - look at yr game


buffalo springfield - expecting to fly


animal collective - banshee beat


donovan - wear yr love like heaven


norman greenbaum - spirit in the sky


canned heat - going up the country


devendra banhart - carmensita


country joe and the fish - grace


jefferson airplane - lather


bob dylan - don't think twice, it's alright


elliot smith - angeles


john lennon - love


george harrison - run of the mill (acoustic)

Auger played boulderfest on friday and it was totally fun. Megafun and Vetiver were awesome, but Akron/Family stole the show. They played for two hours, on mushrooms, covered two Grateful Dead songs and there were fireworks at the end.

Broken windows don't cry
They just sit there and shine
All the lovely crystals
Representing the death of Amerika
And the complacency of the Amerikans
Where will you go when it all comes down?
Will we retreat into the woods?
Participate in our own individual destinies?
The specter of the past still on our shoulders
We carry it like a cross
With crowns of thorns
We are building the resistance
Out of the ashes of a once healthy movement
Now the people all think that things will chance
Just because a new man's in charge
But the new boss is the same as the old boss
And things will just stay the same
As long as there is any boss at all

prozac spotlight
mind freedom
madpride
cognative liberty

rainy monday i feel the blues
i tried to rectify
but my efforts were to no avail
i tried to quantify
but i only found infinity
i'm sorry to say, i've been treated cruelly and unfairly
by doctors and counselors
who put me on 7 medications
i'm a problem for the healthcare system
why get help if you don't need it

I cant believe the accidents i've seen
there was terror in the air
i felt it, everybody felt it
It was cold and we're standing around in the cold
Something has to start something
but nothing comes
only the vampires of seduction
and they drink all our blood
but other wise i'm fine
You won't believe this because I just started talking about it
when i was nine the babysitter drank my blood
so ive been a vampire the whole time!
hahahahah!!!!!
You fools, you must have been really dumb
Now you can live forever
Isn't that a beautiful thing

alright lets get away from vampires and hell
the weather is nice
the sun is shining
It's a nice day
You should go for a walk
Make sure you remember your wallet, keys, cell phone and shoes

well i'm out of my parents' house finally, but not on good terms. that's how things end sometimes. there comes a time when you have to move on along.

I was treating the lamb like an animal
I led him up the mountain where the water opened up and the sky got dark
our memories were reversed. we thought the past was the future
nobody noticed. i heard feedback

don't give up, we can come together
get yr halo up from around yr ankles
come on and don't stare into the water
narcisisim is a crying shame
wake up stink holes

come to our show - cd release party/possible last show:

I'm going to be institutionalized again
I just can't seem to get it right
At least it's only ten days

Sheep in Fog
The hills step off into whiteness.
People or stars
Regard me sadly, I disappoint them.

The train leaves a line of breath.
O slow
Horse the colour of rust,

Hooves, dolorous bells -
All morning the
Morning has been blackening,

A flower left out.
My bones hold a stillness, the far
Fields melt my heart.

They threaten
To let me through to a heaven
Starless and fatherless, a dark water.

-sylvia plath

How did you get away?
You were the pet falcon of an old woman.
Did you hear the falcon-drum?
You were a drunken songbird put in with owls.
Did you smell the odor of a garden?
You got tired of sour fermenting
and left the tavern.

You went like an arrow to the target
from the bow of time and place.
The man who stays at the cemetery pointed the way,
but you didn't go.
You became light and gave up wanting to be famous.
You don't worry about what you're going to eat,
so why buy an engraved belt?

I've heard of living at the center, but what about
leaving the center of the center?
Flying toward thankfulness, you become
the rare bird with one wing made of fear,
and one of hope. In autumn,
a rose crawling along the ground in the cold wind.
Rain on the roof runs down and out by the spout
as fast as it can.

Talking is pain. Lie down and rest,
now that you've found a friend to be with.

-Rumi

How am I supposed to feel

Please hold me. the square scorns the circle in the night. now the knives hover above the head. a square in a round box. what tools you needed. i think i have them. what work youre doing. i think i'm doing it. we haven't spoke in a while. what's the news. how've you been. take care. think of me often. don't let me slip slip away. come back and say hello. sorry to let myself slip slip away. i didn't mean for it to get like this. go on to the window. watch the carrages drawn by the equine elite. nothing is too good for you . don't let me slip slip away. don't let me be a casualty. your ghost is here always. i'm always seeing yr ghost. i'm not afraid, but it doesn't keep me company like you do. it's always so cold and when i get cold i tremble like an aspen leaf. making a wonderful swishing sound in the wind. got to get out of the box. don't let me slip slip away. i'm coming down fast. i hit the ground hard. hard to get back up. who are you. where are you going. who were you. i'm sorry to say i never knew you before. but i knew you. and once i loved you i couldn't start to hate you. now watch the window. do you see my ghost. i'm alone. i'm just one spirit in the puzzle universe. questions lead me here. i'm not here. i'm alone.

Noah and the Faeries

Noah was naked and drunk in the bushes. His specticals being broken, he naturally saw some faeries bussing around his head. "Will you take me away to your heavenly kingdom?" he asked. Some said yes; some said no. Discouraged, he began to masturbate to ease the pain. The faeries were very curious about this act. Faeries don't have genitals, you see. They thought he was having a seizure as he came. The trees wept sticky tears of sap. The whole hedgerow burst out in laughter and some of the shrubs even caught fire. Noah had made a fool out of himself in front of mother nature. Meanwhile the faeries were shape-shifting into sdquirrels and frogs and departing, on their way somewhere in a hurry.

Get along little piggies
Just try to get alone.

Ordinary Things


She was pulling her own teeth out in the café where I was eating. Some of the other patrons were bothered by it, but I was not afraid. I just kept masticating my grilled cheese and imbibing a sizeable amount of black coffee. The food was not especially good, but I was particularly hungry on that day.

I had come in to the place to get out of the rain. It had been raining for three days straight. I missed the bus I needed to get on by a few seconds so I became stranded downtown. Like a lost child I wandered the streets in a search for somewhere dry. So I stepped into the St. Ambrose Café and ordered some things from the menu. Luckily I had a ten dollar bill burning a hole in my pocket that day.

It wasn’t until I sat down that I realized how hungry I actually was. When they brought my grilled cheese out to me I started eating manically. I did look up from my plate for several seconds, but when I did there she was pulling out her teeth.

After that I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was a beautiful girl with long, wavy, black hair and a fascinating face. Why was she pulling her teeth? Was this some nervous habit?

The manager of the café kept yelling at her saying that she had better clean up the blood because it wasn’t sanitary for someone to be doing dental surgery in a restaurant. She acted as though he didn’t exist.

When the last tooth had been pulled she walked out of the place leaving behind a pool of blood and about twenty shiny teeth.

I felt compelled to follow her. I left behind a half a grilled sandwich and an empty coffee mug. I flung the doors of the café open and started chasing the girl down the street. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I actually caught up to her. Here is what I did say.

Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Her: Same thing as you I guess [sounding like there was cotton in her mouth].
Me: What was going on in the café back there?
Her: Oh, I read somewhere in the bible that if a part of your body is stumbling you, you should cut it off. It’s lent you see and I’ve given up chewing as my penance. Would you like to come over to my place and read the bible with me?
Me: It’s not something I normally do, but I guess, why not?

Her studio apartment was only a few blocks away. When I stepped in I immediately smelled a smell like a skunk’s spray. There were little piles of dirty clothes everywhere. Some of them had blood on the, some of them didn’t.

“I’m an artist, you see. My life is my masterpiece. You can’t get to the moon with teeth, just like how you can’t stop yourself from peeing in a public swimming pool,” she said.
“Hey, do you want to listen to a record?” She had taken off her shirt.
I asked her if she had any Iron Butterfly records. She didn’t, but she did have the Soft Machine. “That sounds good then,” I replied.

We sat still, staring at each other for hours. We listened to Woody Guthrie, Syd Barrett and Donavan. Finally she pulled out a joint and said, “Do you want to smoke?” I told her I did, but I had better get going soon.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” I thought that reply to be very strange.

So after achieving intoxication I said goodbye and went back out into the streets. Everything seemed slanted to me. Cities usually a built to go up and down, vertical, but this city seemed full of acute and obtuse angles. The rain had let up and I was feeling optimistic. I managed to find another bus to catch that would bring me close to home, but it wouldn’t arrive for another half an hour.

I killed time talking to a homeless man with a harmonica. He told me tall tales: “When I used to own the Empire State Building I was something of a man. Then my spirit broke like glass and I became the shattered image that you see before you now.”

I told him he looked good with a long beard and his tattered clothes weren’t too bad of a fashion statement either. There are lots of kids who pay big bucks for a look like that.

Him: Well, I left all those superficial things behind. Now I’m home free as they say. No more worries. I don’t even as for change. [He blew a few notes on his harmonica] You don’t have any change do you?
Me: No, I haven’t changed in a while. I’m still who I was a few years ago.
Him: Me, I’ve made big changes. I used to be the captain of a great big clipper ship. I had underlings and everything. Now I’m just underneath. I’m like a worm in the ground now.
Me: I know what you mean. Well, here comes my bus. It was nice talking to you.

The bus driver looked like she wasn’t having a very good day, so I decided not to say ‘hi.’ My temporary companions on the bus had colorful faces. One man was green, another blue. A twelve year old girl was orange. What looked like her mother was all white. Another woman was all purple. It was a most interesting crowd visually. I wondered if they were all from the circus.

When I got home I found my cat lying dead on the kitchen floor. He had gotten into one of the poison traps I had set for ants. I cried a single tear and put the cadaver in the freezer.

That night I watched four movies in a row stopping only to get a beer from the fridge from time to time. I didn’t sleep until 3am. While I was sleeping I had a dream about the beach and the girl with the bloody, toothless mouth.

I felt those funny feelings in my head
And I wanted to feel them again
My brain had felt a sea change
And the light did bend for me

Until I spotted a lamb on the hill
And I heard its profound bleeting
Nothing would come between me
And the light that was bending